QUOTES of the week

‘The President held up a Bible. If he opened it instead of brandishing it he could have learned something.’ Presidential hopeful Joe Biden after Donald Trump’s photo opportunity amid riots over George Floyd’s death. ‘Go down on one knee then get up and nick ’em.’ Retired Royal Protection Squad chief Guy Davies issues advice to police who knelt in front of Londoners protesting in solidarity. ‘The only wrong thing to say is to say nothing.’ The Duchess of Sussex speaks out against racism in a video message to her old school in Los Angeles. ‘The Mogg Conga.’ Description of MPs as they line up to vote while sticking to social-distancing rule in the Commons. ‘This queue is so long I just saw one MP using Google Maps.’ Labour’s Kevin Brennan as he and colleagues wait to get into the lobbies. ‘Because of singing hymns, and so on, which can lead to exhalation.’ Robert Jenrick, the Communities Secretary, explains why worshippers can’t yet return to church while coronavirus threatens. ‘I bore my family with how much running has changed me as a person… before I hit the fridge for some pies and wine.’ Comedian Dom Joly reveals how lockdown has transformed his fitness. ‘It’s been like the liberation of Paris in 1944. If we had flags we’d wave them, just like they did then.’ Singer Monsieur Untel as cafes reopen in Paris. ‘I pointed out that the rhinestone suits, which he wore off stage as well as on, the massive hair, sideburns and the huge glasses were not necessarily helping.’ Sir Tom Jones recalls his advice to Elvis, who complained about being recognised in restaurants.