NO CRIME LIKE THE PRESENT

AS SOMEONE who was once tasked by Cabinet with choosing a leaving present for Theresa May after she resigned as PM, I know diplomatic gifting can be a minefield.

That said, the fact the American people gave our Prime Minister a custom-made bicycle, while all we could manage was a photocopy of a picture off the internet, is unforgivable. Even a bunch of petrol station flowers and a box of Celebrations would have been better.

IS IT just me, or does one get the impression that, after a few months that would have tried the patience of a saint, the Queen has finally had enough?

First, she tells the leaders of the G7 not to be so po-faced (‘Are you supposed to look as if you’re enjoying yourself?’); then, tasked with the fairly routine (for her) job of cutting a cake, she goes at it with a massive ceremonial sword on account of it being ‘more unusual’.

Unusual? Since when has the Queen done anything unusual?

If this is the kind of mood she’s in, I can’t wait for Prince Harry’s next visit.

SPOTTED in Carbis Bay: an Extinction Rebellion protester wearing a football shirt emblazoned with ‘Fly Emirates’. And they say irony is dead.