QUOTES of the week

‘Do you have to worry about his romantic urges?’

Boris Johnson, whose dog Dilyn is proving tricky, questions a police dog handler about the behaviour of his German shepherd.

‘Join the Green Party.’

Allegra Stratton, the Prime Minister’s spokeswoman for the upcoming COP26 climate summit, asked how to tackle climate change, gives this as one of her options. ‘Good on ya, ladies.

I’ll be happy to pay your fines for you. Keep it up.’ Pop star Pink, after the Norwegian Olympic beach handball team were penalised for wearing ‘improper clothing’ – shorts rather than bikini bottoms. ‘Take one for the team, because it’s between five to ten minutes of your life.’

Model Caprice Bourret, 49, says that women should agree to sex with their husbands even when they don’t feel like it. ‘We fully biffed into the Italians. They are pretty p ***** off.’

Matt Rossiter, part of the Team GB coxless four crew who veered off course and careered into their rivals, costing the Italians a silver medal. ‘I have to focus on my mental health… we have to protect our minds and bodies and not just go out and do what the world wants.’ US gymnast Simone Biles withdraws from a raft of

Olympic events. ‘There are two types of people on our campsite – those drinking wine and those packing.’

Tweet from Karen Higgins, a staycationer at a storm-hit campsite in Devon. She was drinking wine. ‘This is madness. It would be like France hammering British holidaymakers due to a Covid outbreak on the Falkland Islands.’

A Brittany Ferries spokesman lambasts the Government for putting France on the amber-plus list because of coronavirus cases on Reunion island in the Indian Ocean.