QUOTES of the week

‘We will not forgive. We will not forget. We will hunt you down and make you pay.’

Joe Biden vows revenge after at least 170 people were killed in an ISIS suicide attack at Kabul airport.

‘A Prince as rich as Croesus whingeing about money.’

Queen Victoria’s biographer A.N. Wilson’s withering description of Prince Harry.

‘You want to go easy on that stuff, mate. You don’t want to end up looking like your son.’ Charlie Watts’s remark to the father of band-mate Keith Richards over his consumption of free champagne at a concert. The Rolling Stones drummer died last week aged 80.

‘What they give you is university comedy… And I’m afraid a lot of it is unprofessional.’ Eric Morecambe dismisses Monty Python in a newly unearthed student TV interview from 1973.

‘Some have abused our hospitality and have been verbally aggressive towards our staff when they are told that Dracula is a fictional character and is not buried in our churchyard.’

Father Michael Gobbett of St Mary’s Church, Whitby, which inspired Bram Stoker when writing Dracula, after his staff were shouted at by tourists demanding to know where the vampire is buried.

‘In the history of futile causes, none is more hopeless than shouting across The Observer office, “Does anyone have a copy of Tatler?”’ Journalist Nick Cohen comes unstuck trying to find a copy of the society bible at the Left-wing newspaper.

‘Like all the beauty and joy of one child but totally ruined.’

Comedian Stephen K. Amos reveals his mother’s candid response when he asked her what it was like to have him and his twin sister.