QUOTES of the week

‘It’s really irritating when they talk but they don’t do.’

The Queen criticises world leaders for not committing to next month’s COP26 climate conference. ‘We need some of the world’s greatest brains fixed on trying to repair this planet, not trying to find the next place to go and live.’

Prince William attacks Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos for their space tourism. ‘I’ve never, ever, ever asked for a rise. I find it cringeworthy. I cannot imagine working for somebody and saying my pay is not enough.’ Indra Nooyi, the former PepsiCo chief executive and chairman, who managed to scrape by on just £20million a year. ‘We’re supposed to tell you a story and if that story isn’t grabbing you, then for God’s sake throw it across the room.’ Novelist Mark Billingham who wants readers to discard books if they haven’t been riveted by the first 20 pages. ‘No, because I would actually like to have a nice life.’ George Clooney’s blunt response when asked if he would ever go into politics. ‘I can’t tell you how terrified I am to bring down this hammer.’ Auctioneer Oliver Barker who was expecting another prank after selling a half-shredded Banksy for a record £18.5million. ‘One’s first reaction is, “Oh, you lucky Israelis.”’ The Spectator’s Rod Liddle after Normal People author Sally Rooney refused to have her latest book translated into Hebrew. ‘I’m trying to figure out quite where the beef is. Didn’t they understand this was a song about the horrors of slavery?’

Keith Richards defends Brown Sugar despite The Rolling Stones removing the song from their set-list.

‘Protruding pencil of tenderness.’

Phrase that earned author Jonathan Franzen a nomination for the Bad Sex Award, which he bemoaned at the Cheltenham Literature Festival.