NEXT WEEK’S NEWS...TODAY!
OUR irreverent look at some of the stories that just might be breaking over the coming days…
MONDAY
Returning to Parliament, MPs show their full commitment to Covid protocols, with most politicians double-jobbed, and some even having taken up their winter booster job.
Sir Geoffrey Cox defends himself against sleaze allegations… then immediately issues an invoice for legal services rendered. And Iain Duncan Smith says he did not break rules by moonlighting for a liquid sanitiser firm, insisting: ‘My hands are clean.’
TUESDAY
NHS staff who said Boris Johnson should have worn a mask when he visited their hospital say it’s nothing to do with coronavirus – he should just be ashamed to show his face there.
After world leaders agree to hold another COP summit in a sweltering desert country next year, delegates agree that Sweden should probably fit the bill by then.
WEDNESDAY
After a court ordered the release of crucial White House files giving the fine details of Donald Trump’s decision-making process, his aides hand over a ketchup-stained Burger King napkin on which has been scrawled: ‘Buy Greenland? Drink bleach? Nuke the weather, maybe?’
Researchers who found that drinkers think wine is more expensive if it has a castle on the label say it’s just an emoational response.
THURSDAY
Fears that changes in copyright laws will lead to cheap Americanised children’s books flooding the market are realised as Waterstones takes delivery of new editions of The Lion, The Witch And The Closet, The Railroad Kids, Physician Dolittle, and The Tiger Who Came For A McDonald’s Happy Meal.
FRIDAY
Marks & Spencer staff say they like wearing the new name badges that display their pronouns, because if they don’t like them they can always exchange them.
In Nottingham, illiterate activists try to tear down the statue of Boots’ founder Sir Jesse Boot in protest at his salve trade links.
SATURDAY
Indian politicians who launched a ‘scent of socialism’ perfume last week say they were inspired by how Joe Biden ‘released his own fragrance’ in front of Camilla.