What I’ll tell my daughter about modern men and sex
l All girls and women, but particularly those aged from about 13 to 25, should avoid being alone with men they don’t know or men who give them the creeps. Don’t ignore your gut instinct – it’s usually triggered by a red flag that’s well worth noticing.
l Hold off on having sex with a new boyfriend for at least a few months. This is a good way of discovering whether or not he’s serious about you or just looking for a hook-up.
l Have sex with a man only if you think he would make a good father to your children – this is not because you necessarily intend to have children with him, but because it is a good rule of thumb in deciding whether he’s worthy of your trust.
l Chivalry is actually a good thing. We all have to control our sexual desires, and men particularly so given their greater physical strength and average higher sex drives.
l Sometimes (though not always) you can readily spot men who are sexually aggressive. A handful of personality traits are common to them: impulsivity, promiscuity, hyper-masculinity and disagreeableness. These traits in combination should put you on your guard.
l A man who is aroused by violence is a man to steer well clear of. He may use the vocabulary of BDSM (bondage and masochism) to excuse his behaviour, but if he can maintain an erection while beating a woman, then he isn’t safe to be alone with.
l Trust your moral intuition and distrust any person or ideology that puts pressure on you to ignore it.
l If you get drunk or high, do so in private and with female friends rather than in public or in mixed company.
l Don’t use dating apps. Mutual friends can vet histories and punish bad behaviour – dating apps can’t.
l Monogamous marriage is by far the most stable and reliable foundation on which to build a family.