James needs a refresher at the Less-Is-More Acting School
Suspect
Channel 4, Sunday to Wednesday HHHHH
Man Vs Bee
Netflix HHHHH
Suspect promised to be a different kind of crime thriller. Adapted from a highly-rated Danish series, we knew it would star James Nesbitt portraying a broody detective for the 768th time, but it would play out as a series of two-handers featuring big names such as Joely Richardson, Richard E. Grant and Anne-Marie Duff.
Sign me up, I thought. With the gift of hindsight, I now know I can be a fool.
It opened with Nesbitt, as detective Danny Frater, stopping by the hospital morgue because there’s a young woman dead on the slab. She has yet to be identified but it is a suicide, says the pathologist (Richardson). He questions that, because he’s a cop and, as he’s about to leave, some instinct makes him turn back to pull the sheet from the corpse’s face. It’s his estranged daughter, Christina.
Nesbitt, who is usually a decent enough actor, obviously hasn’t been paying his subs to the Less-Is-More School Of Acting lately. His howl of pain, what kind of a noise was that? A giant, creaking honk? Then the biting of his fist? I didn’t feel moved, just embarrassed. (Oh, Jimmy.) He then had a row with the pathologist that reminded me of the American series Quincy, M.E, which I used to watch when I was growing up.
‘Suicide,’ insisted the pathologist. ‘Murder,’ he insisted. ‘Suicide,’ she insisted. ‘Murder,’ he insisted. ‘Suicide,’ she insisted. That was Quincy, M.E, every week. But then Danny grabbed a scalpel. ‘Open her up or I’ll do it myself,’ he shouted. ‘They’re going to throw the book at you for this,’ the pathologist shouted. The script, I have to tell you, did not improve from there.
Over the next 24 hours he tore around seeking her murderer, bouncing from lead to lead, and from one dimly lit room to the next. I wondered less about whodunnit than why no one opens their curtains round there.
Each 30-minute episode – there were eight, with a double bill every night – featured a different suspect. On his journey we met
Christina’s wife, her associates, gangsters and drug dealers, and were drawn into a dark world not just because no one opens their curtains around there, even if that remained a contributing factor. The plot involved drugs, extortion and bent cops, and was so confusing it lost me midway through. By the time it was Richard E. Grant’s turn – episode six – I hadn’t a clue what was going on.
So much didn’t add up. Information had to be dragged out of suspects, even when they had nothing to hide. Why was Christina’s flat decorated like a moneyed bordello? How did Frater know that Richard E. Grant’s character would be at a racetrack? Did his ex-wife and Christina’s mother (Duff) really just say: ‘You go do what you have to do?’
Characters in drama don’t have to be likeable. No one in Succession is likeable, for example. But they do have to be relatable, and Danny Frater plainly wasn’t. He was a terrible father and homophobe. (I can’t say more about that for fear of spoilers.) Why would I care a jot about him? He did have to learn some truths about himself but why he didn’t know them already only proved he was pathetically un-self-aware. As for the ending, it did the job, even if it seemed as unbelievable as all else. But at least it was over.
Man Vs Bee marks the return of Rowan Atkinson after a long absence, even if it’s another slapstick physical comedy and he does play yet another useless, blithering idiot. This time the character is Trevor Bingley but it could equally be Mr Bee-n.
The deal is: Trevor lands a new job as a house-sitter but it’s no ordinary house. It’s a modern, high-tech mansion filled with
priceless artwork and supercars in the garage. Trevor is delighted but there is one small problem: a bee. The bee is bothersome. The bee follows him everywhere. No amount of flapping sends it on its way. He must eject or kill the bee. But this is based on the sitcom principle that whatever a character does to remedy a situation will only make it far worse (see also: Basil Fawlty).
It is wholly predictable. The only unknown is what, exactly, Trevor will destroy next but it’s all heavily signposted. When the owners tell him their dog must not go into the library because there’s a £100,000 manuscript in there, I think we all know where the dog will end up.
Actually, the only surprise is when the burglar alarm goes off and the police arrive on the doorstep straight away. What are the chances of that?
There is some dialogue but mostly it’s whimpers and grunts and Atkinson’s marvellously rubbery expressions. It’s three stars because each episode is only ten minutes long, and if you have a young family it might be fun to watch. Also, I did like the set-up. In fact, if you’d stopped by yesterday morning you’d have seen Woman Vs Wasp happening in my very own kitchen. (Woman won! Eventually!)