QUOTES of the week

‘Ladies and gentlemen. If I am allowed to call you that.’

The Duchess of Cornwall starts a speech at a birthday lunch in her honour with a joke about the gender debate. ‘That was a fantastic opportunity for him to sit in the front row and learn some new words from Nick.’ Ex-Wimbledon champion Pat Cash jokes about Prince George, who would have heard some four-letter outbursts from Nick Kyrgios at the men’s final. ‘Any one of them would wipe the floor with Captain Crasheroony Snoozefest.’

Boris Johnson lauds the Tory candidates vying for No10 and lands a blow on Sir Keir Starmer at the same time. ‘Who knows, maybe I’ll come out the other end with a new stand-up show and a 40-minute rant about orange squash.’ Comedian Rhod Gilbert,

who is battling cancer.

‘People with a capacity for pregnancy.’

University of California law professor Khiara Bridges’ description of women during an abortion rights debate in the US Senate. ‘It is a cataclysmic problem that is going to face the country this winter. I am without embarrassment, deliberately, provocatively, raising an alarm right now.’ Money-saving expert Martin Lewis issues a dire prediction about household fuel bills.

‘Airmageddon.’

Nickname given to the Heathrow chaos. ‘If you like a lecture with every course then it’s the place to be.’ Review for the Michelinstarred The Angel in North Yorkshire, as it’s revealed how unfavourable comments can be ruinous. ‘Beware of motorcars with 2 women in the front seat… tread carefully in the company of moustaches, sideburns or beards.’

Bond author Ian Fleming with some ‘commandments’ in a notebook up for auction.