Oh heavens... here’s another case for the plot hole police
Inside Man is a thriller written by Steven Moffat (Sherlock, Doctor Who, Dracula) and it has a stellar cast: David Tennant, Dolly Wells, Lydia West and Stanley Tucci, who are all terrific, but you can’t say the same about the plotting. We are all, I think, used to thrillers where the protagonists make the least credible decision – ‘Don’t do that!’ – but here the decisions were insane. I watched both of the episodes and then rewatched the first one, imagining I’d missed something, but no, every character behaves in ways that are spectacularly daft. ‘This is very stupid,’ Tennant’s character says at one point, and I thought: ‘You’re not wrong there, my friend.’
The opening is brilliantly uncomfortable. A young woman on the Tube is sexually intimidated by a leery bloke. An older woman stands up to him, films him on her phone, tells him she’s recording him on Facebook Live, and ‘if there are any police around, that would be lovely’. The police are waiting for him at the next stop, even though she confesses she was bluffing, and hasn’t a clue about Facebook Live. So how come the police are there? I will mention no further plot holes, as that’s boring. I will only say that it’s hard not to put the plot hole police all over this. It took a great deal of self-restraint on my part and I could not always succeed.
The young woman, it turns out, is Beth (West), a serious journalist, which we can be in no doubt about, as she keeps saying: ‘I’m a serious journalist.’ The older woman, Janice (Wells), is maths tutor to a vicar’s son. But now we switch to a prison in America where Jefferson Grieff (Tucci), who chopped up his wife, is awaiting execution, but is not idle. He is also known as the ‘Death Row Detective’ as he has tremendous powers of deduction, so outsiders bring him unsolved crimes (very Sherlockian). He has a sidekick, in the form of another prisoner, Dillon (Atkins Estimond), who sits in on meetings because he has ‘a photographic memory’ and can recall everything that’s said (but isn’t a photographic memory visual? Sorry!). Dillon, who has killed 15 women, is played for laughs. One way or another, this does delight – is that the right word? – in violence against women. Grieff’s first client is a senator who says he isn’t a rapist. But is.
Back to England where the vicar, Harry (Tennant), is finishing up a church service. He is funny and there are some good lines. The choir will be two down on Wednesday, he is told, due to illness. He’s not surprised. ‘The average age is 72. Every long note is a cliffhanger.’ His verger, a troubled young man, then asks him to hide a flash drive. Harry agrees but back at home it ends up plugged into Janice’s laptop, showing images of child porn. What does he do? The verger is vulnerable, so should he protect him? Rather than involve the police? (Um, how does ‘no’ sound?
Given children are being abused?). He fears Janice will think it’s his son – Harry, the police would sort that out! – so does what no one would do in this situation and shoves her into the cellar, locking the door behind her. Why she doesn’t pound and scream, I don’t know. When his wife gets home, I’m thinking: now he’s in for it. But she just asks if Janice is vegetarian, ‘because we’ll have to feed her’. Nuts, like I said.
The different storylines intertwine when Beth, who has gone to America in the hope of interviewing Grieff, realises Janice has gone missing and asks for his help. There are two further episodes this week and I’ll continue watching. The cast are great, even if the narrative isn’t, and I’m curious to see how it plays out. As Harry’s life unspools, Moffat wants to prove that anyone can be a murderer. That’s what is inside man. Grieff says as much: ‘All it takes is a good reason and a bad day.’ But only, I would add, if you’re crazy in the first instance. Barely space for Make Me Prime Minister, which rips off The Apprentice, with Alastair Campbell and Baroness Warsi as Margaret and Nick (which shows when I last bothered with The Apprentice). It says its aim is to find Britain’s alternative Prime Minister, someone of ‘passion and conviction’, but it’s not a serious endeavour. The jokey voiceover is by Sue Perkins and, aside from Jackie ‘you have no authority’ Weaver, the candidates are young and photogenic, and in their interviews on the Channel 4 website, quite a few, when asked if they are interested in politics, say ‘not really’.
The 12 were divided into two teams and instructed to come up with an education policy to sell to the press. The most fun moment was when Andrew Pierce, of this parish, advised one team on a photo opportunity, which would make them look ridiculous, but they happily complied. (See also: Boris on zip wire.) In this instance, I had no trouble believing how stupid some people can be.