People said my behaviour was sexual. It wasn’t. It was a joke. It was stupid. But it almost destroyed me ...and I would never ever do it again
Scots star John Barrowman f inally breaks his silence on the lurid sex pest claims that almost ruined him
AT the height of his fame, John Barrowman was in such demand he juggled four careers, as an actor, a singer, a presenter and as a judge on TV talent shows. He was the ultimate showbiz darling and a household name due to his role as Captain Jack Harkness in Dr Who and its hugely popular spin-off Torchwood.
Then almost as quickly as his star had ascended, it came crashing down to Earth. His fall from grace came after video footage emerged of a disgraced former co-star discussing Barrowman’s ‘habit’ of exposing himself to cast and crew members ‘every five seconds’.
Barrowman would later write off his behaviour as ‘bawdy hijinks’, but whether or not that is the case is still open for debate with some critics claiming he only got away with it because he was ‘adorable and gay’.
Nevertheless, the claims sent the Scot, who grew up in Glasgow before moving to Illinois in America at the age of eight, into a downward spiral of ‘severe depression’ from which, he says, he has only recently emerged thanks to time at home with his husband of nine years, Scott Gill.
Now, as Barrowman takes his first tentative steps back into the spotlight after releasing a new album this month, he is ready to speak at length for the first time about the events that almost destroyed his career.
‘Times are different and I never would ever do it again,’ he said.
‘We all learn from the mistakes and the lessons. What is important is you can look back, learn from the lesson, but then move forward.’
Barrowman had previously written about his predilection for exposing himself while at work in two autobiographies, one dating as far back as 2008.
But after allegations of sexual impropriety were made by more than 20 women against his Doctor Who and Torchwood co-star Noel Clarke, his own actions soon began to be scrutinised – particularly when a video emerged on YouTube last year of a 2014 sci-fi convention, Chicago Tardis, in which Clarke discussed Barrowman exposing his penis to cast and crew.
Clarke is seen regaling fellow cast members Annette Badland and Camille Coduri with tales of Barrowman’s outrageous antics on the set of Doctor Who.
He gleefully reveals how Barrowman would expose himself ‘every five seconds’ and start ‘hitting it on everything’, before joking: ‘For the record, any men out there, do not try that at work. You will be fired and possibly go to jail.’
At one point in the clip, Clarke asks Ms Coduri whether she remembers ‘that time he put it on your shoulder in the make-up truck’, to which the actress responds: ‘Yes, I do.’
As the seven-year-old footage emerged, Barrowman, who these days lives in Palm Springs, California, suddenly stepped down as a judge from ITV’s Dancing On Ice while other work soon dried up.
Last night, reflecting on his wild behaviour, he said: ‘When all that happened, for the cast and crew and everyone I worked with on TV, all I wanted to be was a good leading man that led the company and kept them laughing and entertained. No one had an issue with it. No one came forward.’
He added: ‘The only people who had an issue were people who weren’t there and people who were trying to turn it into something it wasn’t. Again, something sexual. It was not. It was a joke. It was stupidity. It was fun.’
He admits he made mistakes and has apologised for his conduct, but remains
I had been put on medication. I didn’t want it but it was for severe depression
angry or at least disappointed that friends and colleagues didn’t feel confident enough to speak out on his behalf when he needed them.
‘I would go to bed on a Saturday and not sleep because I would think of what is going to be said the next day,’ he recalled. ‘And once it is out there and it’s trial by social media you can’t fight it, you can’t change it.
‘I don’t have the kind of money to go and have things wiped.
‘What was hurtful to me was the fact it was turning into something sexual, which it was not.
‘And I will stand by that 100 per cent because no one came forward to say they felt that. But nobody came forward to defend me either because they were frightened.
‘Of course, I went through a whole anger period. There was a possibility that I would lose everything and I did lose a lot.
And other people were also afraid of that.’
Barrowman added: ‘I’m probably one of the biggest supporters of women’s rights. I’ve employed women, I have set women up with companies. I’m a good man.
‘If I were sitting back and watching someone being persecuted for being gay, or being trans or being bi, one of the LGBTQ+ community, I would stand up, I would take the risk and stand up for them. And that was what was a little bit upsetting for me, that people weren’t standing up because there were people who could have stopped it right there and then.
‘It’s made me a little bit more, shall we say, cautious about people because the people I thought would have been there to stand up and to speak out said nothing in response, and I understand that can be due to their fear of something happening to them.
‘But, you know, c’est la vie. The people that did come out and speak were the ones that I didn’t think would.
‘So it’s good to then get back to doing what I do, entertaining people, and getting the album out there and working with the people who wanted to work with me.’
Among those who did reach out to help the 55-year-old were Nik and
Eva Speakman, the resident
therapists on ITV’s This Morning show. Barrowman said: ‘The Speakmans rang me out of the blue and they spoke to me because at that point I was going to see someone for therapy here and I had been put on medication.
‘And I didn’t want to be but it was for depression, severe depression. And they spoke to me and they said, “We have to come see you”.
‘They made a trip out of their way to Palm Springs to sit with me on the sofa and Scott in the chair and we spent a whole afternoon just me gushing because they said, “We’ve been through this with people before, we can hear it in your voice. You’re at your lowest and you’re not healthy”. And I said, “Thank you”.
‘We talked through everything and I got myself back up on my feet. It was a whole process. It is a process. When I was recording the album in the studio I used that as therapy. It all helps.’
Nowadays, Barrowman largely regards himself as Clarke’s ‘collateral damage’, though the pair have remained in touch. He said: ‘Noel and I speak and have spoken since and we have a dialogue, but that stays personal to the two of us.
‘If I can say so bluntly, I think I was treated badly. Just by the collateral damage if I’m honest.
‘But with all that happening, I don’t know if it’s hardened me up. It put me through a complete up-and-down roller-coaster.
‘People don’t understand the hurt they cause when they make accusations.’
Asked if it was difficult not to blame Clarke, who played Mickey Smith in Doctor Who from 2005 until 2010, for his ordeal, he said: ‘What else am I going to do?
‘I don’t blame Noel because he was telling a story I had told and that was out there in my books. Then it was turned into a story that I was doing things to every person on set, which is just not true.’
He says the furore over his behaviour impacted his husband Scott as well as his parents, John, 90, and Marion, 88.
He added: ‘One of the hardest things, even with all the sh** that has happened, was thinking I’d let my mum and dad down. Scott has gone through it too. He’s tried to defend me. He was sitting online answering people. People don’t understand the bigger picture.
‘All of that happened but it brought me to a place where this album was made.’
By releasing the Centre Stage album, an eclectic mix of show tunes, he says he is now doing what he was ‘born to do’.
Backed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, he says one song in particular, Heart of Stone (from the Henry VIII musical Six), sums up his defiant attitude with its lyrics: ‘You can build me up, you can tear me down, you can try, but I’m unbreakable’. He added: ‘The structure of it is a journey through my life. A lot of the songs are defiant and this album has been a great therapeutic moment for me.’
Looking ahead, Barrowman, who came third in I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! in 2018 at the height of his fame, now hopes he’ll soon be able to return to our TV screens. He added: ‘That’s the next challenge, to get back onto the screen whether it’s over in the UK, or over here. It’s a quiet time, at the moment.
‘I have signed with a new big management company here in the US and I still have my manager and agent in the UK. ‘There’s not much going on, but we’re strategising to see what we can do.
‘There have been a couple of musical enquiries for the West End. So we’ll see what happen. It’s all about moving forwards, not looking backwards. That’s one thing that this album and going back out on tour is going to allow me to do.’