QUOTES of the week
‘He was a man with a difficult fate and he made serious mistakes in life.’
Vladimir Putin’s twisted tribute to Yevgeny Prigozhin as Western officials said the Wagner chief was assassinated. ‘Every day I would sit there and pray. I would pray for God to save her. He did. He saved her, but the Devil found her.’
The father of Child G, who was born prematurely and now requires constant care after being attacked by serial killer nurse Lucy Letby. ‘I started dating a zookeeper – but it turned out he was a cheetah.’ Comedian Lorna Rose Treen’s pun causes nationwide groans as it wins the Dave Funniest Joke of the Fringe award. ‘Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now.’ Amos Gill’s joke came third. ‘To make a long story short, I almost lost my wife, my 67 Corvette and my cat.’
US President Joe Biden upsets Hawaiians as he recalls his own small kitchen fire in an attempt to console wildfire survivors. ‘You have to be the first one there and the last to leave, you have to work incredibly hard... and don’t be a turd, basically.
Claudia Winkleman says her work ethic comes from parents Eve Pollard and ex-publisher Barry Winkleman, including this advice from her father. ‘Roy Jenkins, Michael Heseltine – it’s a very distinguished club. And the great thing is you never know how bad we would have been.’
Ken Clarke says he likes his status as the PM we never had. ‘Clearly, Rose West is not a Eurosceptic, I understand she has a very strong conscience on climate change and has very much joined the group that wants JK Rowling completely expelled from public life, so she’s fine.’
Nigel Farage after the Co-operative Bank allegedly allowed serial killer Rose West
to keep her account.