Should I be worried about my son’s computer use?
TRAINED COUNSELLOR FIONA CAINE OFFERS HER ADVICE
Q My son is 16 and spends almost every free hour he has on his computer. He tells me much of it is to do his school-work, but I know he also plays lots of computer games, and sometimes until very late.
I worry that he’s not mixing with other young people and that this can’t be healthy. I thought he’d want to be out chasing girls (or boys), playing football or simply hanging out, but no, his computer is all he seems to want.
I have thought about taking it away so that he’s forced to do something different, but I don’t want to upset him.
His father, my partner, walked out on us last year to be with someone else, and we’re both still feeling emotionally raw. What else can I do?
Am I alone in being concerned about how much time young people spend in front of computer screens? Or am I just being an over-anxious, over-protective mother?
E. B.
A FIONA SAYS: set some healthy boundaries together
To be honest, your son sounds fairly typical to me, especially in view of the rough deal young people have had over the past few years. When you consider they’ve had to cope with Covid lockdowns, disrupted education and widespread heightened anxiety, it isn’t surprising they are reluctant to engage with others.
However, you’re correct, that doesn’t make it right. Almost all teens spend some time online each day, and overuse of screen time by teenagers has been associated with things like increased aggression, anxiety and depression.
I think it’s pretty clear that meeting and doing things with real people is a lot healthier.
It prepares young people for interacting with others as they progress through education and into work. Changing your son’s behaviour may be tough, but not impossible.
Simply taking his computer away is only likely to cause resentment and anger, so look for some way to collaborate with him to manage his screen time. Adults can be just as guilty about using digital devices late into the evening, so perhaps you could chat with him and agree to limit your screen time too. To ensure that this happens, you could agree to lock devices away at a set time each evening.
It’s probably also a good idea to negotiate a device-free mealtime too. Involving your son in this discussion, rather than simply laying down the law, will make it more likely that he adheres to the new arrangements.
The good news is that young people will often grow out of this phase as they move into higher education and work, so please try not to worry too much. I am sure he will come through it.
Q
I am a new mum with a lively eight-month-old son. He’s already into nearly everything at floor level and we have done what we can to make it safe for him. We watch him like a hawk but, despite this, he is forever looking for ways to heave himself up and mess with things that he shouldn’t.
Last month I caught him about to poke a stick into a plug socket! I now have child-proof covers on all of them. This brought home to me that although I’m confident with looking after him and feeding him, I wouldn’t have the first idea what to do in an emergency or if he hurt himself. My sister suggested a first aid course, but I don’t know where to start. J. M.
A FIONA SAYS: training is available
First aid courses are a good idea for everyone and in the UK these are mainly provided by St John Ambulance (sja.org.uk) and the British Red Cross (redcross.org.uk). Both organisations have courses for those looking after or responsible for children and babies – either in a domestic setting or a nursery or similar.
The Red Cross course runs for four-hours and is designed for parents, but would be equally useful for grandparents, babysitters, and foster parents.
This can be taken as a day course or across two evenings and covers all the issues that you might have to face including choking, bleeding, burns, sprains, seizures and more. Hopefully you’ll never need the skills you’ll learn, but it’s good to have them just in case.