How to… have fun

WHEN IT COMES TO MAKING MERRY, IT ALWAYS HELPS TO HAVE A FEW EXTRA SKILLS IN YOUR SACK. OUR HANDY GUIDE SHOULD HELP BRING SOME LAUGHTER AND LIGHTNESS TO EVEN THE MOST TURKEY- STUFFED OF LIVING ROOMS

How to… be Santa

It’s the eternal Yuletide paradox: just as children’s desire to see Santa reaches its height, the great man is unavoidably detained at North Pole HQ, overseeing last-minute preparations for his sleigh-borne odyssey. While the need for impersonators is quite clearly unavoidable, their burden is a heavy one – a wonky beard here, an unfortunate cry of “Ha-ha-ha!” there and youngsters might think that even Santa himself is a fraud.

Happily, a professional is here to help. Every December, at half-hourly intervals, you’ll find Danann McAleer dropping down the capacious chimney in the great hall of Ashton Court Mansion, Bristol, to be met by another audience of awestruck kids.

“It’s about being big and booming, almost Brian Blessed-esque, but not to the point where you terrify smaller children,” he advises. “You want a lot of Christmas jokes up your sleeve, in case the children, or even the parents, are shy; you don’t want to be sat in a silent room, handing out presents. For example, two snowmen stood in a field; one turns to the other and says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I can smell carrots.’ It doesn’t matter how naff the joke is, people get in the spirit of it.”

Still, there are some traditional Santa tropes it’s better not to follow. “I tend to reserve ‘Have you been good?’ for the parents. Some of the younger ones can become upset even at the idea they’ve been naughty. And remember, the sight of a giant man in a red outfit can be overwhelming. Don’t worry if a child bursts into tears, because that will happen.”

“YOU WANT TO BE BIG AND BOOMING, BUT NOT TO THE POINT WHERE YOU TERRIFY SMALLER CHILDREN”