Looking back, moving forwards
BY CARVING OUT TIME TO REFLECT ON OUR LIVES, WE CAN CREATE A POSITIVE ROAD MAP FOR THE MONTHS AHEAD
On paper, reflection sounds as easy as writing a shopping list. Who wouldn’t want to gift themselves an hour just to think about the months that have passed before them? Yet this New Year, as the sand continues to shift under our feet after two years of seismic change, reflection, for many of us, may feel a weightier practice to bear. For anyone that’s faced the loss of a loved one, been made redundant or is experiencing regret around the things they didn’t achieve, the last year could hold a mix of painful memories and uncomfortable realities.
The good news is that with a little structure and a generous dose of self-empathy, we can learn to use reflection as a catalyst for positive change and growth.
“I think there’s been an increased interest in learning how to reflect as people begin to find their balance again,” says psychotherapist Alexis Powell-Howard, Managing Director at
Lincolnshire-based Fortis Therapy & Training (fortistherapy.co.uk). “When we were given a slower pace of life during the pandemic, many people began to reflect much more on the quality of their lives and relationships, rather than running at full pelt in search of new goals.”
MIRROR, MIRROR
Reflection, the ancient practice of contemplative thought or consideration, might be most familiar to us in a workplace setting when job appraisals call for a dose of toe-curling selfanalysis. A 2017 piece in the Harvard Business Review exploring the lost art of reflection cites the habits of Jeff Weiner, now Executive Chairman of LinkedIn, who’s reported to block off up to two hours a day solely to reflect. It’s a relief to know that when it comes to reflecting on our own lives (rather than running a global media enterprise), just one hour every three to six months could offer up the chance to create real, radical change.
Holly June Smith (Insta: @hollyjunesmith) is a life coach, speaker, celebrant and founder of Intention Seekers; a 90-minute online guided coaching workshop. Through gentle, reflective exercises, participants are offered the chance to find out what is (and isn’t) making them tick as they build their own unique road map based on simple concrete actions. Most importantly, she encourages people to set to work on these changes within the next three months rather than listing an exhaustive ‘50 things I need to accomplish this year.’ “One of the things that’s really powerful for people is making that time to clear their heads, get some thoughts down on paper and shape them into a bit of a plan,” says Holly, whose workshops take place about every three months. “New Year can set us up to fail unless we make time for reflection first. It’s an act of kindness to ourselves – when we reflect, we learn, and can decide how we’d like to move forwards.”
GETTING STILL
For a spot of at-home reflection, Holly suggests creating a sanctuary or ‘soft space’ to help you think, free of distractions. This could be your favourite spot, inside or out. Set aside at least half an hour, bring your favourite tea and a diary or calendar and pen and paper. Make a note of the things you’ve been doing in the past year. When were you happiest? Where were you? Who were you with? This, says
Holly, is where lies the opportunity for growth.
“If I was thinking ‘I want to start going to the gym’ I’d look back over my diary and see when I last visited or what the blockers were to stop me going,” she says. “Going forward, it might be that you want to see more of certain friends or family. By starting to think about how you want to feel, this will help align your beliefs with the kind of life you want to lead and raise a red flag to the things you might like to leave behind.”
LETTING GO OF REGRETS
For many of us, the last year may have held some regrets – from cancelled holidays and dwindling friendships to the delay of a new creative project or business idea. So how do we learn to reflect without drowning in our regrets? A 2014 study published in The Journal of General Psychology found that people who can find a silver living in their regrets are able to think more clearly. Try viewing your regret as an opportunity for growth and take small actions to help repair feelings of disappointment – whether that’s taking a spontaneous day trip instead of a holiday or reaching out to prospective new employers. Accepting you may have got something wrong and offering yourself the empathy you would give to a friend can also be a liberating part of moving on.
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
If the idea of looking back and planning forwards feels a daunting prospect, viewing things from a mindfulness perspective can help keep us grounded.
“When it comes to thinking forward, it depends how we are imagining our future,” says Alexis. “If we are getting ready for a big event or having catastrophic thinking, that can feel overwhelming. But trying to be present in the here and now and learning to savour the good moments can really help.
“Happiness and joy are things we think can’t last, so often we try and protect ourselves by not feeling them so keenly. Yet, actually, if we can take those moments and really wring them out, this helps us to find that balance between the fear and excitement of the future together with what’s happening right now.”
Outside, January may be a non-stop treadmill of detoxes and new regimes but it’s worth remembering that fresh seeds of intention can be sown any day, week or season of your choosing. And if you feel like you need a boost of moral support to help turn reflections into actions, then call on your favourite cheerleaders for a bracing, reflective walk.
“Have a think about who is aligned with helping you achieve the things you want to achieve,” says Holly. “The new year is a lovely time to be able to share your reflections with friends and collectively think about how you can move forwards together.”