The Sunday Post Class test
Are you a toff? A Hyacinth Bucket wannabe? Or maybe just a pleb?
WHEN bidding farewell to a friend do you say: A Cheerio? B Goodbye? C Toodle-pip? YOUR five-year-old child asks for dinner. Do you: A Open a tin of spaghetti hoops? B Whip up some healthy pasta? C Get the nanny to pluck a pheasant?
DO you holiday in: A Blackpool? B Tuscany? C The family’s Highland estate?
FOR breakfast, do you have: A A bacon roll? B Kedgeree? C Lightly poached quails’ eggs?
YOU were married in: A The local miner’s club? B A lovely country church? C Monaco?
DO you pronounce Lidl: A LEE-dle? B Li-DELL? C That dreadful peasant-filled place?
YOUR home security system consists of: A A large dog? B A sophisticated alarm system?
C A pair of 17th Century French cannons and a drawbridge?
YOU spent Grand National day: A In the bookies’, weeping? B Round the telly, doing a sweepstake with friends?
C Watching pater’s horse from your box at Aintree? WHAT’S your secret for perfect mashed potato? A A tin of Smash — perfect results every time. B A knob of butter and a dash of cream. C I don’t know — cook does that for me. YOU have ginger snaps and a cup of tea, do you:
A Dip the whole biscuit in the mug and then try to get all the soggy mess in your mouth at once?
B Break the biscuit in half and dip in pieces?
C Nibble the biscuit daintily, while holding your cup and saucer in the other hand?
YOU’RE in a restaurant and the menu is in French, do you:
A Ask: “Which wan o’ these is chips, mate?”
B Just say the words as you see them: poulet = poolit?
C Confidently pronounce the names of the dishes using a slightly Dordogne-tinged accent?
DO you “give it Aldi”?
A Every week, especially on their “Special Buys” days.
B Only after dark when no one can see me going in.
C Isn’t Aldi an Italian chef?
AT school, did you have: A A plastic carrier bag? B A schoolbag? C A satchel? AS a child your best Christmas present was A A bike? B A pony? C The Maldives? YOUR preferred style of trousers are: A Blue jeans? B Salmon cords? C Tweed plus fours? YOUR favourite sport is: A Football? B Rugby Union? C Shooting plebs? HOW do you drink a glass of champagne? A I prefer Lambrusco. B Sip it? C Gently imbibe it while holding the stem of the glass with a pinky in the air?
FOR directions, you rely on: A A good old paper map? B Satnav? C One’s driver?
A TAGINE belongs: A In a Moroccan restaurant? B In the kitchen next to the juicer?
C Below stairs with the rest of the staff equipment?
RESULTS
Mostly As — You’re so working class your calluses have calluses.
Mostly Bs — You’d make an ideal bridge partner for The Good Life’s Margot and Jerry Leadbetter.
Mostly Cs — You’re probably on first name terms with the Queen.