But it must be true – I found it on the internet!
AH, the internet – bringing nutters together since 1995.
Let’s face it, giving a conspiracy theorist access to the internet is like giving matches to a pyromaniac.
And there’s no subject the fantasists like to indulge in more than the Royal Family, especially Wills and Kate.
Hot topic of debate in the padded rooms of the online world this week was that Kate wasn’t pregnant and it was all an elaborate hoax.
If that sounds familiar, it’s because the same thing was said in the same paranoid places when she was expecting George.
Most of the theories seem to come from the fact she didn’t show much of a bump in either pregnancy.
One of the most prevalent notions is that she and Wills used a surrogate, either because one of them is infertile, she suffered a miscarriage or she simply didn’t want the hassle of being pregnant.
This time around there was plenty of conspiratorial chat about the baby arriving at an opportune time.
Social media was abuzz that George’s little brother or sister would be presented on the day of the election to give a boost to the Conservatives and baby bump them back into Downing Street.
Others stated the Tories fear the baby will be named Edward, a popular Royal name, and it will prompt voters to support Labour leader Ed Miliband at the polls.
Much was also made of the timing of the pregnancy announcement, coming just 10 days before the Scottish referendum last September, with a Yes result looking very much on the cards at the time.
However, the real gold on this topic can be found at online community, The Conservative Conspiracy Forum.
On April 9, a poster going by the name of “dobbins” speculated the baby would be revealed to the public on St George’s Day (April 23) having already been born on a previous date.
Visions of a bairn being wheeled out in a sort of Blue Peter, here’s one we made earlier, fashion were interrupted by this doozy of a response from “Avacyn”, who said: “This would be a convenient date because it would add up to nine, which is a big number for those occult-obsessed lunatics.” (Pot and kettle, Avacyn.)
When St George’s Day came and went without any baby, Dobbins was back to say: “I see the ‘birth’ has been put on hold for the time being so as not to overshadow the Gallipoli commemorations.”
And last Sunday, persistent Dobbins added: “Funny how it’s all gone quiet, she was ‘due’ mid to late April. Let’s wait and see how it affects the election…” Other conspiracies include: Kate is much older than her official age of 33 and leaked hospital documents show she was actually born in 1975. Her age was changed so the public didn’t reject the idea of William and his “cougar wife”.
She had a lobotomy to ensure she would be docile, placid and well-behaved, and be of no danger of ever causing problems like other Royal incomers. She’s a man. Oh boy!