Regrets about mum’s last days won’t leave me

Dear June MY mum passed away six years ago, after a long illness.

I miss her so much and wish I could go back in time to change my behaviour towards her when she was dying.

During her final days I could not bear to go to the hospital, even though family relayed to me that she always asked for me. I feel such an awful daughter and ask for forgiveness every day. The feelings of guilt are destroying me. I now have a young daughter and I’m trying to be as good a mum as she was.

Samantha, Aberfeldy.

June Says

Losing a parent is the most traumatic grief a child will experience, but they will get through it.

The unconditional love and support can’t be replaced and that makes the loss so great.

I’ve held the hands of both parents during their transition from this world to the next.

They were the most emotionally devastating experiences I’ve ever had to endure.

Sitting vigil at the bedside of a loved one, waiting for that moment of final closure in a chapter of your life, is very hard and not everyone can cope.

Letting go of those you love dearly is always difficult.

Your mum understands your pain at not wanting to let go.

You dealt with it the only way you knew how at the time. You had to get through the pain and knew you could not have coped at her bedside.

I feel a pressure in the chest with laboured breathing and I sense heart problems.

I am shown a locket that contains two photos and I feel you carry it everywhere.

Your mum saw your daughter from spirit side before she was born and I am shown a capital C that holds some significance with mum and daughter.

July and November are memory months.

I see yellow chrysanthemums by a cluster of photos.

I don’t feel your mum met your partner but she approves.

Does he need to have his teeth looked at? Has he a fear of the dentist? Who liked Parma Violets? You’re not an awful daughter. She loves you and will always watch over the family.

She’s proud of you and understands why you weren’t with her.

You’re always part of each other.

VERDICT

Mum had suffered heart problems for many years and died of heart failure.

I have her locket with me always and it contains her photo and one of my daughter.

Mum was called Carol and my daughter is called Carrie. Mum died in November. Both my daughter and I have July birthdays.

Yellow chrysanthemums do sit by some very special photos.

I’m glad my mum met Carrie and she approves of my partner, who she never met.

I often buy him Parma Violet sweets as he likes them.

He has a fear of the dentist but definitely needs to go!