Nicola’s public words of comfort for those going through a private grief
One of the saddest experiences for any woman is the realisation that she is losing her baby.
The word miscarriage spells the end of hope. The dreams of a new life dashed, replaced by a crushing sense of failure.
So it was brave of Nicola Sturgeon to speak out last week about her own heartache. She lost her unborn baby during the early stages of her pregnancy five years ago.
The First Minister shared her story because she wanted to break the “taboo” surrounding miscarriage while challenging some of the “assumptions and judgements” made about women who don’t have children.
We’ve all heard these careless comments, often from other women. The sisterhood can be cruel. “Oh, she’s too keen on her career to take time out to have kids” . . . Or “children wouldn’t fit into her lifestyle”.
As a public figure, she must have thought carefully about the decision to speak out about this very personal issue.
In doing so, she will have helped scores of women who have lived through this experience and know the pain and loss which follow a miscarriage.
It’s very often a secret grief. Some women find talking about it much too difficult.
In pregnancy our emotions are more raw than at any other time.
There is the elation when you realise you are carrying a new life.
As your husband or partner touches your skin, neither of you can quite believe that your body is creating a new person – your baby.
It is a magical moment in a loving relationship. You may keep the news secret for a while before choosing when to tell your parents, family and friends.
You start to make plans and to discuss baby names.
No matter how cool you are, this miracle of creating a brand new life inside you is precious beyond belief. So if things go wrong, the shock and anguish of realising that you are losing that baby are profound.
Miscarriage is such an ugly word. And there is no way to soften it.
I know two clever and caring young women who, in the past few years, have experienced the pain and loss of miscarriage.
Thankfully, both of them have gone on to bear two healthy babies each and enjoy motherhood to the full.
But for many women the hope of carrying a child to full term is dashed forever.
The dream dies and they learn to cope.
For some, talking helps. For others, it is a private grief.
But by speaking publicly about her miscarriage, Nicola Sturgeon may have helped other women come to terms with their loss. Let’s hope so.