I feel I’ve let my dad down

Dear June

I LOST my dad five years ago after a long cancer battle.

I promised to look after Mum as she had been diagnosed with dementia.

She has now been in care for nearly a year.

She is receiving the care required in the advanced stages of her illness. I feel I’ve let Dad down. Joanna, Glasgow.

A loved one can be very ill and near to death but will hang on to life because they feel they are needed by those they are leaving behind.

When you make them a promise, it allows them to be free of their responsibilities on earth knowing things will be taken care of in their absence.

In most cases, when they have been given permission to go by loved ones who say they will be OK and will manage without them, they pass over very soon afterwards.

When your dad was dying, he would have been concerned and worried about your mum as he knew she relied on him.

When you made the promise to look after your mum, her illness had not progressed to a level where she would require more specialist care.

You must ask yourself, if your dad was here now would he be able to cope or would he want your mum to have the specialist care her illness now requires?

When the promise was made, your mum did not require 24-hour care.

I am in no doubt those in spirit can see these changes and therefore fully understand the reasons behind the promises not being carried out.

June Says