Maggie says
I’ve never written to an agony aunt before to ask for advice, but I just don’t know who to talk to.
I’m engaged to a man I’ve been going out with for over five years. We work together and we’ve been friends for a long time before we even started dating. He’s a solid, reliable guy. The kind of man you can trust in any situation. He has never let me down and he always puts me first. So when earlier this year he asked me to marry him, I was delighted and said, “Yes”.
He bought me a beautiful diamond ring and all our family and friends were delighted for us. We are both in our late 30s so we decided not to waste any more time and started planning our wedding. My parents booked a hotel. I’ve ordered my dress and asked my friend to be my bridesmaid and my niece is delighted that she is going to be a flower girl. The wedding day is on February 14, 2019.
But I’m having second thoughts. He’s a nice person but I’m just not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. In some ways he’s quite boring and predictable. He works all day, is happy to sit on the sofa every night watching TV. Every Saturday he goes to watch his team play football and now and then we go out for a meal with a couple of friends. That’s it really.
In all honesty cannot make that decision for you. What I can do is ask you to take some time out for yourself and go off on your own for a few
Dear Maggie
Idays to think and be honest about what you feel about your fiancé.
Sometimes people get so caught up in all the arrangements for a wedding that they lose sight of what it is really about – a commitment to another human being for a lifetime. It’s one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. So don’t blame yourself for having doubts.
It could be that he’s your partner for life – or it could be that he’s a very good friend and no more than that.
Marriage begins with romance but through time it’s the lasting qualities of trust, loyalty, friendship, caring and reliability which play a big part in the relationship.
Your guy seems to know the importance of these qualities. But perhaps you are looking for a little bit more. That spark that makes you feel alive; the look that says “I love you”.
We all need to feel cherished but we want more than that from our lifetime partner. We want the whole package – the sense that we are meant to be together. Don’t feel “trapped” by the wedding plans. This is your life – so take your time to make the decision that’s right for you. Talk to your fiancé about how you feel. It’s only when we are emotionally open that we get to the truth. Don’t feel guilty about examining your feelings. I hope that together you can work through this.