One family’s story
Our kids are amazing but we won’t forget the three who didn’t make it
end, when everyone was packing up, I sat on the bed by myself and they could see they just had to leave me.
“It felt so real, like it had actually happened.
“When they turned the machine off, I knew that I could go out of the studio and get on with my life.
“In reality, people leave a room like that and their lives change forever.”
The agonies aren’t over for Ellie as she discovers she has polycystic ovaries, meaning the chances of After marrying six years ago, Gemma Skelding and husband Paul started trying for a baby right away.
“It was our life plan,” said Gemma, 39. “Get married and start a family.”
But the couple were to endure the agony of three miscarriages and Gemma believes it is a good thing shows such as River City are highlighting the often unspoken sadness suffered by so many.
She described how she became pregnant a few months after their wedding, adding: “We were so excited but decided not to tell anyone until after the 12-week scan.
“Until then it was our little secret. We started to think and plan for life as a family. It was such a happy time.”
The scan date drew nearer and the couple, from Edinburgh, couldn’t wait to see the baby and share the news.
But the day before the scan, graphic artist Gemma noticed she was bleeding. Something was wrong.
“We went to hospital. They couldn’t detect a heartbeat,” she said.
It was a missed miscarriage, where the foetus dies but the body doesn’t recognise the loss and still thinks it’s pregnant.
“We were devastated,” said Gemma. “From the moment we saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, we couldn’t wait to be parents.
“Now we faced telling people we’d lost a baby they didn’t even know existed.”
Gemma and Paul confided in close family and friends.
“They just wanted to make us feel better, but not many people knew the right thing to say,” said Paul.
“They would say positive things like ‘at least it happened early’ or ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’, but ‘at least’ was actually quite hurtful.
“We lost something really big to us. All we wanted was for people to say it was horrible, okay to grieve and they would be there for us.”
Gemma added: “It’s such a taboo subject that people don’t know what having her own baby are slim and the aftermath of the miscarriage sees the character lash out angrily at those around her, something friends of Leah’s said happened with them.
The miscarriage heartbreak occurs just after Ellie has her 12-week scan.
And Leah says no matter how early in the pregnancy a baby is lost, the hurt is just as deep and raw.
“You are grieving for all your hopes and dreams for the future.
“What you thought was going to to say. The fact that people tend not to talk about miscarriage makes you feel really isolated.”
The following summer, Gemma fell pregnant a second time, but lost the baby within a few weeks. The same happened in the autumn.
“Every time it got harder because I lost another baby – and wondered if I would ever be able to have one.
“It was hard on us as a couple as we wondered what was wrong with us. The emotional strain with every miscarriage got harder to bear.
“It affected friendships too. My friends were all having babies and found it, selfishly, really hard to be happy for them. I became resentful.
“Everybody seemed happy and I was angry and frustrated that my body couldn’t do what women’s bodies are designed for.”
It wasn’t until 2015, after the heartache of three miscarriages, that the couple had a successful pregnancy.
“We were absolutely delighted – but the pregnancy was horrible. I was anxious and didn’t have faith there would be a healthy baby at the end,” said Gemma.
Her worries were allayed when the couple welcomed little Marin, now 3, into the world.
“Marin was perfect and we just couldn’t be more thankful to have a baby in our arms,” said Paul.
“But when we got home with her we were totally unprepared. In Gemma’s mind, something was going to happen and we would lose the baby again so we hadn’t actually visualised our lives with one until Marin was here safely.”
Last year, the trio welcomed another addition Odin, now 11 months.
Gemma, who has launched a business, Marin’s Mummy, selling tactful greetings cards, said: “The children are amazing but it doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten about the babies we’ve lost.
“It especially hits me on Mother’s Day when I think about the three who didn’t make it – and all the other mums out there coping with miscarriage.” happen has been snatched away. You have been through a trauma and you absolutely are suffering a loss.
“Through the research I’ve done, there is no doubt in my mind that even if it happens after just a few weeks, that can stay with you for the rest of your life.”
Children are very much on the radar for Leah and husband Paul, making filming such scenes feel close to home.
“It’s nerve-racking and there’s an unease about playing somebody
Iwho loses a baby,” said Leah, who’ll be showing her happier side when she tours her own show, Leah’s Big, Fat Fabulous Diary across Scotland this summer.
“I do want to have children, or a child anyway, and that is in the back of your mind.
“At 35, the clock is ticking a bit for me but, as a self-employed female, it feels very difficult to have a baby.
“I struggle with it.”