I’ve got new rules... and a bright future

– P.S. WRITER ALICE HINDS

When Sue invited me for a one-to-one life coaching session, I’ll admit I was a little sceptical.

But since turning

30 (in the middle of a pandemic, no less), I have been feeling somewhat directionless and off-balance, so I was willing to try anything that could help me see and think more clearly. We connected via Zoom and Sue started by asking me what I wanted to discuss. My career has never been much of an issue, but living alone during lockdown had made me think differently about relationships, and I wondered if there was anything I could do to make dating seem less, well, pointless.

Trust me, my gran’s sage advice that there are “plenty more fish in the sea” doesn’t apply to the likes of Tinder – that ocean is mostly filled with the shipwrecks of relationships gone wrong.

After talking through my thoughts, Sue told me to take my feelings and plonk them in the middle of the room, creating metaphorical space between my brain and any negativity. We then both stood up (“When we move our bodies, it opens up more expansive ways of thinking,” explained Sue) and then discussed what my ideal future would look, feel and even sound like.

From there, we drew up a list of things to say “yes” and “no” to – a process that’s harder than you might think. From there, list in mind and hand, we performed a “commitment ceremony”, which saw me step forward ( yes, physically) and promise to follow my new rules for life. By the end I felt quite emotional, which Sue explained was normal when opening up new “pathways for change” in the brain.

So, did the session make a difference? Unexpectedly, yes. Talking through my wants and needs with a stranger – someone with no investment in my life – felt initially daunting but it acted as a form of therapy, which helped me realise what I needed to change. Now, almost a month later, I’ve managed to maintain the positive, sunny outlook Sue helped me build.