Betrayed by my wife’ s affair, should it rust her when she says she won’ t see him again?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie I have never written to you before, but I really need some advice. I have been married to my wife for 18 years and we have two teenage children.

We’ve had our ups and downs but in the past year of lockdown I’ve noticed a big change in her.

She joined a Zoom class to learn to speak Spanish. She made new friends there.

She also started an online slimming class and has lost two stone in weight and looks great.

However, when her mobile rings now she leaves and takes the call in another room.

I have been wondering what’s going on, but if I ask any questions she just brushes it aside. Two weeks ago, I was working late and phoned to say I wouldn’t be home for dinner. She said that was fine and she’d keep some for me.

But I changed my mind and decided to come home early. She wasn’t there. Our son said she’d phoned to say she’d be back later.

Two hour passed and I heard a car stopping outside. I went into the front room and saw a car sitting outside our gate. I didn’t put the light on and after a few minutes I peeped through the curtains and saw the car door open and the driver was leaning towards her and kissing her.

I felt as if my world was falling apart. My worst fears were real.

When she came in and saw I was home she was flustered. I asked her straight out: “Who is he? How long has this been going on?”

It turns out this guy was part of her Spanish class. At first she denied there was anything going on – but eventually admitted they are having an affair. She says she doesn’t want to end our marriage and won’t see him again.

I don’t know whether to give her another chance. How can I ever trust her again?

Maggie says Losing trust in the woman you love is heartbreaking and betrayal is one of the hardest things to cope with.

Before you make any final decision, please try talking frankly to your wife over the next few weeks. It is important to find out how she really feels. What was missing in your partnership? If she’s prepared to talk things through honestly with you, can you make a fresh start? Listen carefully to how she feels and take your time to work out what you both need to do to regain your trust and commitment to the marriage. I know you must be hurting badly, but if she is prepared to give up this relationship – can you promise her and yourself that you will both make a decision to work together to rebuild your relationship?

I hope that you find the happiness you deserve.

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com

Dear Maggie I have got overdrawn at the bank again and my husband is raging at the money I spent getting the house decorated. How can I get him to understand I want us to have an attractive home?

Maggie says Perhaps you should discuss the financial budget before you start decorating rather than after it.

I can understand you want to make your home look good and feel comfortable, but try talking this through before you make any decisions.