Maggie Listens
Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to
My two-timing husband isn’t looking for forgiveness. He’s leaving me. I’m heartbroken
Dear Maggie
My husband is a lawyer. Two years ago he set up his own legal company which has been successful. At Christmas I met one of his work colleagues for the first time. She is attractive and has a cheerful manner and is efficient and popular with the staff and his clients.
Because business is thriving he has been working later than usual. Last week I got the shock of my life when I opened the post one morning and the letter addressed to me read: “Are you aware that your husband is cheating on you?” it was unsigned.
I said nothing to him about it. Then a week later another letter arrived saying: “Are you going to accept that your husband is unfaithful?” By the time he came home, I was feeling very shaken and tearful. “What’s wrong?” he asked. When I told him he looked away, and said nothing.
It was then that my world fell apart as he told me that he had been having an affair. I was shattered and started to cry. Could I find it in my heart to forgive him, I wondered? Then I looked at him and realised that wasn’t an option. He was leaving and the marriage was over. I am heartbroken.
Maggie says
Your letter moved me very much. You have come through so much and were still willing to forgive your husband’s unfaithfulness.
His unwillingness to give your marriage a second chance must be very hurtful for you. But it clearly shows how weak and unreliable he is. Hard though it is, you need to accept the marriage is over. This is not a man you could ever trust again. So let him go and hopefully in time the pain will ease and you will begin to make a new life for yourself.
You have strength, courage and in time when you look back on this heartbreaking situation you will realise that you have nothing to blame yourself for and that your husband has cheated and lied. So protect yourself, stay calm and think through what you want to happen. Make your decisions slowly and thoughtfully and put yourself first.
Dear Maggie
My husband and I separated two years ago and I have brought up our teenage daughter on my own for that time, although she does see her dad every two weeks and they still have a good relationship.
Six months ago one of my colleagues at work asked me out on a date and I agreed to go and since then our relationship has been a happy one. Now he wants me to move in with him but I’m not ready for that and I don’t think my daughter is either. What do you think I should I do? I wish he could let things develop slowly.
Maggie says
You have been hurting since the break up of your marriage and you have every right to take things slowly in this new relationship.
He wants to move things on but don’t let his wishes force you into making a decision about how you want to live. Think things through at your own pace. Until then, enjoy getting to know each other better. Have fun on your date nights and hopefully when you are sure that he is the man for you, then everything will fall into place and you will feel confident enough to make a fresh start.