Asoldagenearsi’mfeeling anxiousaboutmyfuture. How caniregainmyconfidence?
Dear Maggie
I am in my mid-50s and have spent a life living for the moment. I chose not to have children and, while I was married once I divorced in my early-30s, after five years, because I just didn’t feel like I wanted to be tied down.
I have a good career, friends and have travelled all over the world. I have always lived by the motto of “no regrets” because I feel that you only have one life to live, so live it well. But something has happened since reaching 50. It’s been a slow creeping anxiety that I have nothing meaningful to show for my life. I used to be brave and relish my independence but now I feel insecure about my future as old age approaches. My biggest fear is that I will be left alone with no one to love and care for me.
My own parents have both passed and although I have a sister we are not that close. During the pandemic this feeling has been compounded. I haven’t travelled for three years but even now things have opened up again, I feel scared to venture further than the UK.
This is impacting on my everyday happiness and I often wake in the night, panicstricken. How can I regain my confidence and start living life to the full again?
Emily, Hamilton
Your letter put into words emotions many people will identify with.
You are clearly a woman who has made her decisions about the life you want to lead and have enjoyed travelling and the company of friends and colleagues.
Like many people, as we reach a new decade we tend to look back on the past and regret some of the roads not taken. But please don’t let this creeping anxiety convince you that you have nothing meaningful to show for your life.
Think of the independence you’ve shown in the decisions you made to enjoy your career, to travel and to have fun. That’s evidence of a strong-minded woman who has a lot to offer. So please don’t be too hard on yourself. The ageing process is tough. It saps our self-confidence – so don’t give it house room! Instead, think of the choices you made and enjoyed. Take each day as it comes and try to do something that brings you pleasure – whether it’s contacting friends, inviting people round for dinner, learning a new language. The pandemic has had a negative effect on many people – you are not alone there. But now it’s time for all of us to make
the most of the present. Every day is precious so let’s be kind to ourselves and plan little treats that support the feel-good factor. That might be deciding to attend an evening class to study a subject that has always interested you. Or helping out at a local charity shop.
There are many people who feel isolated post-pandemic and are finding it difficult to get back to being the confident, go-ahead, outward-looking person they once were. It’s vital for our own wellbeing we recognise this and fight the negativity.
Setting ourselves new challenges is a way of re-building our self-confidence. You are a woman of substance Emily and I know that you can do it.
Small steps and a positive mental attitude can help all us to recognise what matters in our life and with courage move forward to enjoy each precious day.
Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com