All I want is Christmas with the grand kids and my puppy but Scrooge won’ t let me

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie

I am a widow and recently bought a gorgeous labradoodle puppy to keep me company.

She has become a lifeline for me after years of loneliness and I take her everywhere I go. The problem is that my son’s wife won’t let my pet in their home in case the puppy ruins their immaculate carpets and furniture. I feel so upset by her attitude because my wee dog is no bother at all. She doesn’t chew things any more and, of course, I would never dream of letting her on the sofa.

It basically means I can’t visit my two grandchildren, because I can’t leave my dog in their house. I thought she might make an allowance for Christmas but my son has said she still doesn’t want the dog in the house.

I was due to visit their place for Christmas dinner this year but now I might have to spend the day on my own.

I feel so upset that my son is not intervening. After all, it’s his house too. I don’t want to say how hurt I feel but I am starting to feel very resentful. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to make allowances for me?

Dorothy, Aberdeen Maggie says

I can understand how upset you feel about your daughter-in-law’s

attitude towards your dog. Your pet has played a big part in helping you cope with loneliness. Labradoodles are dogs with a lot of charm and clearly she has helped you through a difficult time.

Our pets often feel like part of the family but it’s a bond that can be hard to understand if you are not an animal lover.

Have you tried to explain this to your son’s wife? I’m sure she understands that you want to be with family over the festive season and will feel upset if you can’t see your grandchildren, especially as you are on your own.

If, however, she refuses to compromise, it may be better to simply accept the situation, as pushing things again and again could result in feelings boiling over. Playing devil’s advocate, in the same way she doesn’t understand your attachment to your dog, maybe she feels you could be more understanding of her house rules? It does sound like she is particularly house proud.

So, if no compromise can be reached before the big day, I suggest you leave your puppy at home and enjoy Christmas dinner with the family for a couple of hours. Then get home and snuggle up with your fluffy friend and watch some festive TV.

I realise you would welcome your son supporting you in this but if he is unwilling to do so, try not to show your irritation and don’t let it spoil your day.

Try to understand how difficult it must be for him to be caught between his wife and mother like this. You’ll make life easier for him if you go for a short time and hopefully he will then drive you home and you can have a chance to talk to him in the car. If you stay home alone it will only make things more difficult for everyone.

The relationship with in-laws can be a tricky one to navigate. Power struggles over seemingly petty issues can quickly escalate so for the sake of keeping the peace, we sometimes have to choose our battles. I wish you and your family a pleasant – and peaceful – Christmas together.

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com