We cried and cried ...diary of a grieving mother
Bereft mum describes the last, shattering days Sunday OUR LAST day WITH FELIX Rory and I cried like animals. We had no reason not to any more
It is every parent’s worst nightmare, their child on life support and doctors without hope.
For Lyall Wilde, 26, the nightmare became heartbreaking reality when her toddler son Felix became critically ill.
He was only two when he developed meningitis just before Christmas last year. He became ill and had a seizure which doctors could only control by putting him into an induced coma.
On Christmas Day he woke, before lapsing back into a coma. He would die two weeks later, without regaining consciousness.
Now, his bereft mum has written a moving account of his final days and the maelstrom of emotions she went through. Speaking from her home in Dysart, Fife, she said: “I don’t want people to feel sorry for me or read a harrowing account of losing a child.
“It is about being honest and open about our feelings and the thing I love most is when someone tells me something I have written made them smile or laugh.
“I was just hoping to help people start talking about death and grief and all these issues.”
Lyall admits that writing and publishing her account has helped her cope. “Writing draws out every emotion,” she said. “I will tear up at some parts, and be giggling to myself in others.
“I remember the feeling of burning rage at some times, and then remember those pockets of peace that spurred me on. “There was so much love and positivity surrounding Felix.
“What happened to him was sad but his favourite word was ‘happy’ and that’s what I always remember about him.”
Lyall’s mum, Carolyn Cameron, a primary school teacher, said: “It’s heartbreaking to lose a wonderful grandson and then watch your daughter cope with it.
“Lyall is a wonderful mum and daughter.” Felix’s organs were donated and helped save lives. His kidneys went to a man who had waited 10 years for a transplant. His heart valves have helped others.
The beginning of Sunday felt easy.
We were told we could bring any food we wanted into Felix’s little room, so we went out to grab all of the things we used to get and put together a great picnic of treats. Then we sat on his bed and had our last family picnic. We’d done them a lot with Felix. Rory was too big to fit on the bed with Felix, so he sat on a chair at his side. I’d made a home sitting at the bottom of his bed, of course. The nurse saw us getting food out and poured more of his liquid food into his feeding tube so we’d all be eating together. They’re awesome like that.
And that’s really how we spent most of the day. Laughing and talking with him.
We’d decided that we were going to do his night-time routine. We were going to treat this as a lazy Sunday, then get him ready for bed.
That made our time 8pm. His usual bedtime.
When the time got close the nurses brought in some washbasins and we gave him a bath and got him changed into his pyjamas.
He looks a bit puffy in the picture, top right, but it’s because of the medication he was on. He isn’t crying, don’t worry. It was a gel they put on to stop his eyes feeling uncomfortable. That’s the last picture I have of him. I put my phone away after that and we got into bed with him. Me on the left, Rory on the right.
While at my house I’d rediscovered a book that my own mama had got him for Christmas. The book with no pictures. The point of it is that as the adult narrating the book, you’re