Our bright, active mum has Alzheimer’s. What can we do to help her stay mentally active?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie

My mum is 65 and has always been bright, active and busy.

She does a lot of voluntary work, is always on hand to babysit if my brother or I need any help with our children, and my dad and her have lots of friends and a good social life. But in the past six months we have noticed a change in her. She forgets a lot of things. She tells us the same stories over and over again. She repeats chats we’ve had several times.

If we pull her up about it, she gets upset. I finally persuaded her to go to the doctor and he did a few tests and found that she has early-onset Alzheimer’s. Our family are really upset about this.

How could this happen to our mum? There’s no history of the disease in our family and it has shocked us all?

What can we do to help her?

Maggie says

I’m very sorry to hear about this, but you have done the best thing by getting an early diagnosis.

There is a lot of information now about this disease and awareness is key to getting the help and support your mum needs.

I suggest you make an appointment with your mum’s doctor and talk things over with him. He will be able to explain what you can do to recognise each stage of the condition, and to help her through it.

There are also lots of books about the illness and how it develops, which will also be

Dear Maggie

Every week, the neighbours in our street get together for a chat. I look forward to it.

But in the last few weeks there has been a lot of bitchy chat about a woman in the street who doesn’t come to the coffee mornings.

Nasty stuff is said about her – the way she doesn’t keep a tidy garden, how she dresses her kids, the way she shouts at them. The other women seem to think she’s “stuck up”. I don’t like the useful in understanding how to support her in practical ways. In the past, dementia and Alzheimer’s were subjects which no one really talked about and there was a terrible fear surrounding the subject. But in recent years, we have become able to find out more about how this illness manifests itself. You can read, listen and learn about what your mother will be feeling and how you can help her cope.

Your library will be able to suggest some of the best books on the subject.

There’s also an excellent novel, Still Alice, by American author Lisa Genova, which tells the story of a woman who was a lecturer at Harvard University and who developed Alzheimer’s in her early 50s.

It’s thoughtful, wise and very practical and I think you would find it helpful.

Above all, keep talking to you mum about the family, about things you’ve enjoyed together, what’s happening with your children, about plans for the future.

Keep her mentally active and engaged – that helps. Remember that, although her memory is fading, she is still the woman she always was. Try to connect with that woman and it will give her the confidence she needs at this time.

I know you will be feeling very sad right now, but there are many small ways you can positively and practically help your mum on this journey and hopefully that will be a comfort to you, too.

I’ll be thinking about you. way this is going – so what should I do?

Maggie says

Don’t indulge them. If they persist, try dark humour to deflect them – pointing out your own flaws and maybe even theirs!

No one is perfect and this kind of gossip demeans women. Also perhaps it would be worth making an effort to talk to this neighbour when you see her. Who knows she may be glad of some company.

Maggie Listens, The Sunday Post, Skypark, Suite 3/6, 8 Elliot Place, Glasgow G3 8EP maggielistens@sundaypost.com