How can I stop my husband behaving like Scrooge over my Christmas spending?
Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries
Dear Maggie
My husband and I have three children so Christmas is always an expensive time for us.
I love to buy my two sons and daughter the toys and games they see on TV. I also buy them annuals, party clothes, selection boxes and the delight on their faces on Christmas morning makes it all worthwhile. Come January when the credit card bills come in, my husband gets tetchy about me “over-spending”. Two weeks ago, he sat me down and said I had to cut back this year because he was a bit worried about the future of his job and he didn’t want to start next year with a lot of debt.
I can see his point, it is sensible but I am just so unhappy about the thought of spoiling our lovely family Christmas and seeing the disappointment on the kids’ faces when they come down and see they haven’t got all the things they’ve been asking for. What can I do to persuade my husband not to be a Scrooge?
Maggie Says
I understand you want to give your children all the things they ask for and it is amazing to watch the excitement as they rip open their presents but, much as you may not like my answer, I have to say that your husband is talking sense. When he is
Dear Maggie
My daughter is 12 and in her first year at secondary school.
She settled in well. But in the past month I have been worried about her because she seemed very anxious and when I asked what the problem was, she said a girl has been writing nasty comments about her on Twitter. I don’t know if I should go to the school and complain. Am I being a “fusspot mum” if I do this?
Maggie Says
I can understand you being upset but I would suggest before you take action, you talk to her about this and read what is being said. It may be a good idea to anxious about losing his job, it’s no time to accumulate a pile of debts. Try to see it from his point of view. He takes his role as the breadwinner seriously, and it would make him feel uncomfortable if you bring home piles of goodies which you can not afford. Sit down with your husband to talk it over. Why not make a budget for what you plan to spend on each child, and stick to it? Find out what they would like best but don’t overdo it. You may find to your surprise “less is more” and they actually enjoy playing with their gifts. Over-indulging at Christmas is something we are all guilty of. And getting back to a simpler family Christmas is a good idea. It’s about enjoying family time together.
Preparing and sharing a meal. Singing carols on Christmas Eve. Visiting grandparents or having them round for a meal. Reading the messages on cards from friends and relatives. Watching old movies as a family. Making Christmas special isn’t always about what you spend. It’s not the stuff you buy that makes for a happy family Christmas, it’s about the love you have for each other and the time you share together.
I do hope you all have a very special time together. suggest she simply doesn’t look at Twitter. It’s important you discuss this with your daughter and find out what she would want you to do. It may be she wouldn’t want this made public. Shemaybeawkwardand embarrassed if teachers and her fellow pupils knew. So have a talk with her and try to suggest options.
If she wants to deal with it herself, let her. No girls like to feel mum is “fussing”. But clearly your daughter needs your support. Hopefully this girl will tire of writing nasty comments. But if it continues it may be a good idea to speak to her teacher.
Maggie Listens, The Sunday Post, Skypark, Suite 3/6, 8 Elliot Place, Glasgow G3 8EP maggielistens@sundaypost.com