My mum is becoming really forgetful. She says it’s just old age. I’m worried it’s Alzheimer’s

Dear Maggie

My mum has always been hard-working, efficient, a born organiser. Now that she’s retired she’s even busier than ever – secretary of her local golf club, goes to the gym twice a week and collects my two children from school every day.

She cooks, bakes, entertains friends and makes everything look effortless. But over the past six months I’ve been worried about her forgetfulness. She starts a story and can’t finish it because she’s searching for the right word. I tell her bits of family news and by the next week she’s asking questions that show me she has no memory of it. Over Christmas I noticed her confusion more than ever. My dad is concerned too because he told me that when mum brought all the presents down to wrap on Christmas Eve she had bought several duplicates. So unlike my organised mum!

I read about a local Memory Clinic where people can be “tested” to see if they have problems in that area. I suggested it to her and she became very angry. She insists there is nothing wrong with her, that she’s just getting older and it’s natural. But what we are both worried about, even if she won’t admit it, is the possibility she may have Alzheimer’s disease, which is what her father died from in his early 70s. I’m so worried – what can I do to help my mum?

Maggie says

You are obviously a very caring daughter and have a good relationship with your mother. Memory loss is not uncommon as people get older. After retirement some people slow down.

But your mum sounds like someone who still has a full and active life – and there is a part of her will know that her memory isn’t working as well as it should. She will feel ashamed of this and try to hide it as much as she can.

For the moment don’t fuss, but perhaps jot down in a notebook the dates of her memory lapses.

If this pattern continues it may be time to discuss things with both your parents. Suggest a visit to her GP, or perhaps the Memory Clinic you mentioned. There is now more awareness of early onset Alzheimer’s disease and there is more support available.

Well-known celebrities who have the disease are now much more “open” about it and they’ve helped to remove some of the fear and stigma attached to this cruel condition which robs people of one of the more precious gifts we have – our memory.

It takes courage to confront this.

But as a caring daughter I know you will help your mum to talk about her anxieties and if possible seek medical help.

I do hope your worst fears aren’t realised. I will be thinking of you over the coming weeks. But remember – there is now more understanding about memory loss than in the past.

Stay strong.

Dear Maggie

So here we are at the start of another year and I feel as if I’m in a complete rut. Same old boring job. Same old mates I hang out with. Same old flat I share with two other guys and we squabble about everything.

I’d like to meet someone to share my life with but I’m too shy. There’s a girl who has started in the office where I work and I’d love to ask her out but I’m terrified she’d turn me down. How embarrassing would that be?

Maggie says

You know what – if you do nothing, nothing will happen. It is tough when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut but, believe me, there is plenty you can do to get out of it.

Why not try some exercise, or take up a sport? You’ll start to gain self-belief.

See yourself as a “project” and a “work in progress” and instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get out there.

Go for it!