Since my husband died, our old friends don’t seem to want me around so much. But why?

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum-of-four, grandmother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Margaret’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to with your worries

Dear Maggie

I am in my early 40s and had a very happy marriage for 15 years but my husband died of cancer 18 months ago and I am finding it very difficult to cope.

I work as a secretary in a lawyer’s office and I enjoy my job.

I still try to keep up with the activities my husband and I enjoyed together – hill-walking, the cinema, visiting friends and having them round for dinner but what has surprised me most is the change in people’s attitude. Now that I’m a “singleton” and not part of a couple I don’t get invited round to cosy dinner parties at friends’ homes so often. My female friends will ask to meet me for lunch or to go to the cinema but it’s as if I’m not welcome any more at their homes.

I can’t understand why this has happened.

I enjoy both male and female company but suddenly I’ve been relegated to “widow” status and I wondered if you had any advice on how I should cope with this?

Maggie says

Your letter touched me deeply because my own mum was a young widow many years ago and she faced the same problem.

She was invited to coffee mornings, or ladies’ lunches or to join other mums for a shopping expedition. But contact with the couples my dad and her had been friendly with was suddenly “off the menu”.

It took her a long time to work out why this had happened.

Dear Maggie

My teenage son sits in his room for hours playing computer games and talking on social media.

He’s becoming a recluse. My husband says he’ll grow out of it, but his behaviour irritates me.

Maggie says

I think you are right to be concerned, this solitary existence isn’t good for him.

He needs to be seeing his pals, playing sports – not hiding behind a laptop screen in his She eventually realised that her female friends looked at her differently.

If you are an attractive woman, very often other women – even though you’ve known them for years – see you as a bit of a threat.

Now I know this is probably the last thing on your mind, but I do think it is the reason for what you are experiencing. So I can only offer some practical solutions which may help.

Join an evening class to study a subject which interests you. There, you will meet some like-minded people and hopefully enjoy learning something new. If you have some spare time why not do some voluntary work for a charity you care about?

Throwing yourself into projects is a good way to keep your mind and body active and there is always the chance you will make new friends.

Very often a woman on her own has to reinvent herself.

That’s tough, I know, but this is a new stage of your life and you have to create it and shape it in the way you want.

Treat yourself to some new clothes and think about asking your hairdresser for a different style.

What things interest you? Find out what’s going on in your local area. Are you brave enough to plan a holiday on your own to a country you’ve always longed to visit?

You have a lot to offer, so believe in yourself and work at creating a life which offers you new possibilities.

I’ll be thinking of you. bedroom. Talk to your husband about your concerns and present a united front to your son about how you want him to enjoy this time in his life.

Set ground rules for how long he can spend on his laptop. Don’t nag him (it won’t work) and treat him with respect. Stay calm and focus on the positives.

I’m sure he will soon accept the new rules which, in the end, will be better for his health and wellbeing (and yours!)

Maggie Listens, The Sunday Post, Skypark, Suite 3/6, 8 Elliot Place, Glasgow G3 8EP maggielistens@sundaypost.com