Dr Jane Graham explains how to make time for friendships andrelatetopeople

I antidote to loneliness is to start your interests before you retire

you have something to aim for; you have an interest and a connection. It builds your confidence, you have someone to share the same kind of interests as you.

“Just being able to laugh, have fun and feel that vibrancy again is good for you. In terms of mental health, you get a sense of bonding and support. That gives you a resilience against conditions like anxiety and depression. It also helps maintain cognitive function for longer.

“There is quite a bit of evidence to say that friendships are as important as relationships with family members.

“A lot of research says being married or having a partner is much more protective for you as you get older, but it does not explore the quality of those relationships.

“Some people may feel more isolated and alone as others assume that as they are in a couple, they don’t need that much interaction.

“Or they ma y feel trapped in their marriage but unable to leave. This,

Claude Beirne and Dulcie Watson met at a table tennis club too, may have a detrimental i mpact on wellbeing. Having care and support through friendships outside of that partnership can be a pressure valve. “The great thing about friendship is that it is given voluntarily. You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your relatives. Sometimes the dynamics of family may include guilt, resentment or a sense of duty and obligation. That can be fraught.

“If you are in middle life, it is important to maintain and invest in the friendships you have now, because those fr iends have known you through different life stages and they bring a viewpoint that helps you to accept your changing self.

“New friends are good because they are meeting you where you are now.

“In Scotland I’ve found people to be very warm and engaging. People will give you time, they will be interested in you. It’s a great place to make and reconnect with friends.” 8Take

the risk of opening up to others and actively listen and enquire about how others feel too. A new friendship involves learning to trust in other people, and also being someone who can be trusted. 9Consider

a solo holiday with an organisation that specialises in them. They are brilliant for making new friends, people who will get to know you as you are now. 10It

is never too late to make friends. Even if you can’t leave the house, there are organisations who will be able to find befrienders to visit you at home. Contact the Befriending Networks at www.befriending.co.uk or call 0131 261 8799.