Specialists reveal rising number of referrals during lockdown and demand better training for frontline staff
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It was like the jigsaw pieces of my life finally aligned to form the perfect picture
I’d spent my entire life looking for answers, trying to understand why my brain worked differently. Suddenly, it all made sense
– Francesca Baird on autism diagnosis
It took Francesca Baird 32 years to receive a diagnosis that finally explained some of the confusing thoughts, feelings and behaviours that had shaped her life.
The mum of one from Aberdeen recalls crying tears of relief when, two years ago, specialist John Forrester told her she had high-functioning autism.
She said: “Everything suddenly made sense. It was like the jigsaw pieces of my life finally aligned to form the perfect picture.
“I’d spent my entire life looking for answers, trying to understand why my brain processes things differently and why I’ve always felt different to everyone else. Getting that answer was so validating and helped me and my family understand my life up to that point. It’s something we never considered when I was younger.” Before her diagnosis, Francesca, 34, had struggled throughout her life with anxiety, obsession, gambling addiction and self-harm. She believes she first started subconsciously masking her autism traits from an early age.
“I managed to fit in at primary school through my sporting ability,” she said. “I struggled at secondary school when socialising became more conversation-based, usually around boys. I learned to mimic other people’s behaviour and force eye contact but never felt
I was being true to myself.” From the age of 16, she found it hard to hold down a job for long due to anxiety, which also led her to quit her psychology degree in its third year, although she later went on to complete it online. Francesca also constantly struggled with relationships, obsession and, aged 21, began to self-harm.
“I started to self-harm because I was struggling internally and needed a way to express that and make people understand how I was feeling inside,” she said. Over the years, doctors misdiagnosed Francesca with Pure O, a form of obsessivecompulsive disorder, and later a personality disorder. Giving birth to her son, Oscar, 10 years ago was “life-changing” but severe sleep deprivation exacerbated some of her autistic traits and led to her becoming addicted to gambling. Three years ago, this addiction, including betting on football matches and later the stock market, spiralled out of control as she racked up thousands of pounds in credit card debt. Once again, Francesca sought help.
“A mental health nurse told me I didn’t have a personality disorder but asked me if I really wanted an autism diagnosis as there’s nothing I could do about it,” said Francesca. “I then asked a doctor – who also told me he didn’t think I had autism because I had ‘theory of mind’ – to refer me to a specialist. It amazes me that people think I wouldn’t want an answer to why I’ve been struggling my whole life.
“I’ve spent my entire life working hard to camouflage my autistic traits and it’s exhausting. Now, I’m more confident within myself. I can remove the mask and just be me. Having that self-awareness has helped frame my identity. “A diagnosis doesn’t mean that everything will be fine. I will always have emotional dysregulation but now I can better manage my autistic traits to avoid certain stressors. I’ve been in the same job for the past six years but being able to explain certain behaviours to my boss has been a big help.” Following her diagnosis, Francesca started writing about her experiences. Two years on, that project has led to a memoir, Label Me, which she hopes to self-publish after a fundraising push.
She has also created a support group on Facebook and hopes she can inspire more women who see their own struggles and confusion reflected in her story.
“It was cathartic just to get it all down on paper. I always need a project to focus on and this has been such a positive one,” said Francesca. “I also realised there could be people in a similar situation to me and, after posting snippets of the book on Facebook, I’ve heard from a lot of women, either looking for answers or diagnosed later in life, who relate to my story.
“I want to raise awareness of mental health, in general, and certain ASD traits because there’s still a big lack of awareness and understanding.
“Mostly, I want to encourage people in my position to seek a diagnosis because it can change your life.”