Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s weekly diary
Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to
Dear Maggie
I recently read that the laws around organ donation are changing in Scotland so that, unless you opt out, everyone’s organs can be used to help others in need of a transplant.
This the most generous thing one human being can do for another to give them a chance of life and better health.
But when I told my wife that I want to donate my organs when I die, she reacted in a way I never imagined. She accused me of being “a do-gooder” and said if I was in an accident, the medical staff might not work quite so hard to keep me alive if they needed my organs for someone.
I was flabbergasted by her views. It led to a big row between us where she accused me of “always trying to impress people”. This isn’t the first time she’s said this. I am sick and tired of having to justify why I do things. My wife comes from a family who are suspicious of everyone. I hoped that our marriage would help her to understand it’s better to see the good in people and trust them. I have given into her so many times but this is my body and my decision. This time I am not backing down.
Maggie says
The law around organ donation changed this month and it means that Scots over the age of
16 are now potential donors unless they choose to opt out of the scheme and have made this known before their death. This can be done on the NHS Donor Register.
Clearly this is a very personal decision. It’s a positive and vital piece of legislation and offers hope to hundreds of people whose quality of life is diminished because of organ failure.
But this row with your wife matters too. She needs to understand that marriage does not mean she has a right to total control. Compromise is necessary in every situation, but for your own mental well-being, you can decide you won’t let your wife bully you emotionally. Be calm but firm about what you want. This choice is yours alone to make. Tell her firmly what you plan to do and it’s up to her to understand and accept that.
Dear Maggie
I have got so fed up during lockdown and not being able to go out with family and friends.
Every year my husband and I book our holiday at our favourite resort in Spain around this time and I want to get it done but my husband says we should wait to see how this pandemic works out because we might lose our money. I just want something to look forward to – is that so wrong?
Maggie says
You are feeling like most of us – a bit weary of all the restrictions which we’ve had to cope with during the past months, but we’ve come a long way and perhaps a little bit of patience is still needed before we know how things are going to work out. I suspect the tourist industry in Britain will do well this year as hundreds of holidaymakers book a staycation in the UK.
But if you are longing for sunshine get the brochures, have a browse and as soon as your husband is confident enough to go for it, get that holiday booked and you will have something special to brighten the horizon.
Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com
Maggie Listens, The Sunday Post, Speirs View, 50 High Craighall Road, Glasgow G4 9UD