Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s weekly diary

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to

Dear Maggie My husband and I have a son and daughter who are now both in their 30s, married and with children of their own. We’ve always been a very close family who enjoy going on holiday together, having barbecues and helping out when needed.

This closeness means a lot to me, but sadly this year my daughter and daughter-in-law have had a row about planning the holiday and the end result is it looks like we are all choosing to go our separate ways this summer.

I’m very upset about this. I asked my husband to try talking to them, but he refuses. I am really hurt at his attitude. How can I fix this family fall-out? Maggie says

Family rows can spring up over big issues and trivial ones. Once people take a firm decision, it is often very difficult for them to change their viewpoint. They may see this as “giving in” and they don’t want to seem weak.

So I suggest for now you don’t get involved and wait and see what happens. Your son and daughter may come round to realising they want decisions made about this year’s summer holiday and take the first steps to getting together to discuss it. Or they may choose to go on holiday by themselves.

I know it is hard playing the waiting game, but I think giving people time and space to make choices is the best way forward.

Perhaps this year you and your husband would enjoy having a holiday together without the family? Why not try talking that over with him and see how he feels?

Dear Maggie

My mum will be 80 this year and she is still slim and active. She has a bungalow by the sea and it is immaculate. She walks three miles on the beach every day and is very fit. She loves reading and keeping up with the news and what’s happening in the world.

Six months ago a new neighbour moved into the house next door to her. He is a widower, and two weeks ago when I visited her, he was having coffee in the garden and I couldn’t believe it when he called her “darling”.

My mum noticed my look of surprise, and later – when he’d left to go home, she said: “Isn’t it great that I’ve got a neighbour with whom I can have an intelligent discussion? Once a week we watch Question Time together on TV and have a debate about the different political points of view on the programme.”

She expected me to be happy for her, but there is

something that worries me is – what if he takes advantage of their friendship and she loses out? Maggie says

I see that you are anxious that your mother may be trusting someone about whom you know very little. But this friendship with her neighbour is clearly something she values and enjoys and I think you should give her time and space to get to know her neighbour better before jumping to a conclusion that it may be something which poses a problem for her in the future.

Keep talking to her and if there is any sign of anything suspect – then would be the time to ensure he doesn’t get that opportunity – but for now I think you should support her in enjoying the company and conversation which is part of this relationship with her neighbour.

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost.com