Gran-of-eight Maggie Clayton’s advice column

Dear Maggie

My husband and I have been happily married for 28 years and our children have now left home. Our son has a decorating business, our daughter is at university studying law.

For most of our marriage I was a stay at home mum who loved taking the children to school, keeping our home looking good, cooking meals, baking for the family and pottering in the garden.

My husband is an electrician and worked overtime so we could give the children everything they wanted and we have memories of happy holidays every year.

I always looked forward to seeing them being independent and marrying people who cherished them as much as we have, but earlier this year I realised my rosy dreams were uniquely to come true.

Our son hired a secretary and, before long, it was obvious he was in love with her. She is very pretty and has a bubbly personality but from the start I felt there was something about her I just didn’t understand.

We had her round for dinner and she was good company but I noticed she was a bit wary of answering a direct question as if she might give something away. I mentioned it to our son later and he said

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“Stop imagining things Mum.”

Then our daughter said she didn’t want to continue her course and planned to go travelling round Europe with her boyfriend.

I am so worried about them and my husband says he is fed up of me talking about it.

Have you any answers? Maggie says

The only advice I can give is to suggest you let you son and daughter make their own choices in life.

If you are over-controlling this won’t work. We are all individuals and have a right to make our decisions. If you respect this then there is a better chance of your son and daughter finding out what they want from life and how they want to live it.

Its all part of the growing-up process and I know that as a loving, caring mother you want the best for your family.

Dear Maggie

We bought a semi-detached villa on a new housing estate and in the street where I live several of the neighbours invited me round for coffee which I thought was very welcoming.

But after attending several of them I felt a bit uneasy because there was often a tendency for someone to complain about the way this neighbour had noisy parties late at night or that neighbour allowed their child to trample through their garden.

I hate being in situations where the gossip and moaning gets out of hand.

So should I just stop going to the coffee mornings or should I say something? Maggie says

If you go along but don’t get drawn into the gossiping and whining by simply changing the conversation to something positive, sooner or later the other neighbours will realise you are not willing to go down that route.

Too much negative thinking doesn’t create a calm and relaxing atmosphere. So if you can turn things around and make cheerful chat, chances are the neighbours will appreciate that.