Female resilience and our emotional intelligence help us cope in crisis
In my years as The Sunday Post agony aunt, I’ve had more letters from women than men. Why? I think its because women are more emotionally aware. If there is a problem they want to confront it, learn how to cope with it and move on.
Men tend to put emotional issues on the back burner and hope they’ll go away. They don’t. Women know that doesn’t work.
Our emotional intelligence tells us to face the problem, talk it through, find a solution. But, sisters, are we likely to stop trying to get men to understand our point of view? No chance!
From early childhood we observe how our parents treat us and adapt our behaviour to try to please them. At school we want to be respected by our teacher and popular with classmates. We want to make friends and keep them.
In our teenage years our insecurities surface and we worry about how we look. Is our hair stylish? Is our make-up attractive? Are our clothes trendy? Do boys pay us any attention – and if not, why not?
As we start dating the pressure mounts. Are we witty? Do boys find us sexy? If not, why not?
All this soul searching works in two ways. It makes us anxious about our popularity but if we find ourselves liked by boys who want to date us then we gain a selfconfidence that gives us a step up the ladder of young womanhood.
It gives us a resilience in relationships that shows in our smile, our warmth, our adaptability to different situations.
Our early dating can be fun but challenging. We want to be loved and, if we don’t understand why a relationship goes wrong, our emotions wreak havoc with our confidence.
Thankfully, female resilience comes to our rescue. We are women and we know how to reach out to others in friendship and eventually in loving relationships.
Sometimes we have to learn how to cope when we are “dumped” for someone new. We cry in the privacy of our bedroom but we learn to wipe our tears, put on a bit of make-up and face the day with a smile. In time, we find the career we want and we work hard to be the best we can be. We have the resilience to develop our skills and hopefully we find the job that brings out our talents.
Eventually, if we are lucky, we find our lifetime partner and adapt to marriage, maternity and motherhood or we choose to be single but to enjoy travelling, friendships and fun. Sadly, if the relationship fails, we struggle but there is a strong streak of resilience. We will not be beaten. We will not give up.
Ask any harassed woman why – and within minutes she will be able to explain the pressure the female sex learns to live with from childhood to motherhood, and on to middle age and old age.
It’s in our genetic make-up and we learn to understand and adapt to whatever circumstances we face. In life we find ourselves coping with colleagues, neighbours, family and friends who can sometimes be difficult but this resilience enables us to try to understand how they feel and to make peace. That resilience defines us and is our inner strength. It will never let us down.