Maggie Clayton answers readers’ letters
Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to
Dear Maggie
My husband and I have been married for thirty-nine years and we have two sons, two daughters-in-law, and five lovely grandchildren.
We frequently say how lucky we have been to have such a healthy and happy family.
Sadly this year all that has changed. Our daughters-in-law had a row three months ago and have never spoken to each other since then.
They won’t come to family outings without asking if the other one has been invited. Every year we all go for a week to a holiday cottage by the sea. Both of them refused to go this year, so we had to cancel.
I have tried talking to them and asked them to forgive and forget but they refuse. I’ve asked my sons to help but they just say: “Stay out of it, mum.”
It’s our ruby wedding next year and I’m heartbroken at the thought we may not be able to celebrate as a family. Maggie says
Family rows are always frightening, especially when you have been accustomed to having good relationships over the years.
It’s sad that your daughtersin-law are not yet ready to forgive and forget. Perhaps with time that will change. But I suggest in the meantime you stand back from the situation and let them try to work it out together.
Your sons know their wives and have advised you not to get involved. I think you should respect that.
Hopefully, as time passes, your daughters-in-law will realise that they miss the good times you spent together as a family and may make peace.
Don’t rush things. Keep in touch with both of your sons but don’t discuss the row. Family disagreements are always painful. The least said the better.
I do hope that by the time of your ruby wedding this issue has been resolved but whatever happens I hope you can celebrate this special anniversary of your marriage.
Dear Maggie
Over the past year I have had a few problems at work and I’ve fallen out with one of my best friends.
I’m ashamed to say my only way of coping has been to over-eat and to drink too much. I’ve always been slim, but this year I’ve put on three stones in weight and it really doesn’t suit me.
My husband has asked me to cut back on eating and drinking and I always say I will but when I get depressed the first thing I reach out for is the wine bottle or a bar of chocolate. It annoys me that he can’t seem to understand I’m comfort eating. Maggie says
I know this must be difficult for you to accept but although wine and chocolate help in the short term, relying on comfort eating and drinking isn’t the way to solve your problems.
You need to work through each issue which is causing you to feel depressed.
Would you be willing to discuss these problems with your boss? How about phoning your best friend and suggesting meting for lunch? She may be waiting on you to make the first move. Sometimes we over-think things and get it wrong. Don’t let pride get in the way of resolving these issues. Try a practical approach and hopefully you will feel calmer, stronger and more able to cope.