I’m like a rabbit in headlights in a Chinese restaurant. I want to try new things but panic. So, what should I order?
– A caller to The Kitchen Cabinet
The Kitchen Cabinet book is a month-by-month treat for food lovers packed with recipes, menu guidance, top tips, and quirky anecdotes from the expert panel. Here are a few of the entries for September.
THE QUESTION
I’m like a rabbit in headlights in a Chinese restaurant. I go in determined to be different, then panic and order the same old stuff. What are the panel’s go-to dishes?
THE ANSWER
Lizzie Mabbott grew up in Hong Kong and says her early memories of Chinese food in the UK were mainly of surprise.
There was chop suey, an entirely made-up dish that was pure Anglo-chinese (or American-chinese, depending on the version of the invention myth you read); fried rice, which is a leftover dish rarely served formally in China; and then a whole range of sweetand-sour meat, often with pineapple. Many of the early restaurants were Cantonese, and Cantonese food became synonymous with Chinese food for a while.
Lizzie’s heritage is Cantonese, and her advice is to order a roasted meat – either duck or char sui, which is roasted pork. Get it on the bone for more flavour and a lot more fun.
Tim Hayward agrees that a lot of what the British call Chinese food wouldn’t be recognised in China. But he doesn’t see it as a thing to be ashamed of. Culinary culture is adapted by its practitioners, changing to suit local tastes and ingredients. But you can enjoy both. His favourite Chinese restaurant is Sichuan, and he enjoys it both for the fantastic flavour combinations and the menu translations. “Strange taste fragrant rabbit” is gorgeous but his absolute go-to is the “fire exploded kidneys”, which he describes as the most delicious thing ever. Don’t be afraid to choose just because you like the sound of something.
Sichuan is also the route Tim Anderson takes. He suggests trying mapo tofu, which is, as you’d imagine, primarily tofu, with meat used almost as a garnish. It’s very, very spicy, with a moreish heat from the
Sichuan peppercorns, and it slips down beautifully.
If you aren’t sure of your heat tolerance, or you just fancy something stunning, Jeremy Pang says there’s no need to pick just one dish. Go for dim sum instead.
Nobody is sure where it comes from, but various stories suggest it sprang from tea houses, which did not traditionally serve food. It’s said that one old lady felt a bit sorry for her customers, who were very hungry, so she went into her kitchen, made what she could from her ingredients, and fed them dumplings. And then her neighbours got competitive and made more intricate dumplings for their own customers, and it snowballed from there. If you’re in Hong Kong, you’ll find the dim sum places full at 5am, with elderly customers having a great time – plus it tends to be half-price.
TOP TIP #1
Barry Smith has a neat trick with which to wow your dinner guests and work your way through your surplus whisky (apparently it happens).
Whisky is an aggressive beast and tends to set your mouth on fire. But have a handful of wasabi nuts on hand. They’re very spicy and will give you a trigeminal burn in your mouth. While it’s still on fire, try your whisky. Your brain will have been hit with fire already, so when the whisky goes in, it strips off the fieriness, leaving you with the pure flavour of the drink, not just the burn of the booze.
SCIENCE
Dr Zoe Laughlin is working on making the best spoon in the world. She’s been experimenting with blindfolded volunteers eating various things from various spoons made from different materials. Shape plays a role too – ideally we would all have spoons made to fit our exact mouth shapes.
But the material does manifestly change the taste of foods. Try eating tomato from a copper spoon – the acid reacts and it is properly unpleasant. Even a stainless-steel spoon – the most common metal for cutlery – affects the flavour of your food. So, if you want the ultimate meal, with the best possible taste, what should you choose? Simple. Just go for gold. Or gold-plated.
TOP TIP #2
Barry Smith says there is no truth to the idea that white wine will get out red wine stains. It’s based on a vague bit of science, which explains why lemon juice works: the acid breaks up the pigmentation that stays and stains. But white wine won’t.
One of his favourite memories as a student was watching a fellow student waiter spill a tiny bit of red wine on a very expensively besuited man in a Glaswegian restaurant. “This suit cost me £600, but I’ll take £300,” said he. Quick as a flash, she answered that she’d get it out, and sloshed a glass of white wine on him. It didn’t work (obviously) but he had to spend the rest of the meal gently dripping.
NIGHTMARES
And finally, we asked our audience in Lambeth to tell us about their kitchen gadget nightmares. We can’t help but be awed by the man whose friend-ofa-friend (apparently) said he was never, ever making mash again. Turned out he was making gloriously fine ricer-style mash… in a garlic press.