I’ m locked in a custody battle with my heart less husband– over who gets the lab ra doodle

Dear Maggie

I split up with my husband of five years recently. It was an unhappy marriage. He was a bully and I’m so relieved that we are finally separated.

We have no children and thankfully I have my own career, so I am more than capable of standing on my own two feet. We agreed to put our house on the market and we agreed to split the proceeds equally.

The problem is our pet dog. He is a labradoodle and the love of my life! My partner didn’t even want a dog. I had to beg to be allowed to buy him. I did all the work – taking him for walks etc.

But now we are getting a divorce, he is insisting on 50/50 custody of our pet. I know some people might find the whole thing silly but I am devastated at the thought of only seeing the dog for half the week.

He has now warned me that if I don’t agree to his terms he will block the house sale.

I know he’s just doing this to hurt me but, the thing is, he’s so bloody-minded I wouldn’t put it past him to dig his heels in. I feel like I’m stuck.

Please help, I really need your advice – do I agree to custody and hope he loses interest, or do I say no and risk being stuck in limbo?

Janice, Inverness

Maggie says

I’m not surprised you are ending your marriage if your husband is such a controlling and difficult man. He clearly wants to find any way he can to hurt you and demanding 50/50 custody of your dog is his attempt to make you even more unhappy.

Clearly he thought he could get away indefinitely with treating you badly. You should feel proud of yourself for realising that spending the rest of your life with such a man is not a good idea.

No matter what he promises, he is not capable of understanding how to treat his wife with respect or be able to work at the relationship with you so that both of you feel understood, respected and cherished.

I think you should make an appointment to see your lawyer privately and check out the legal situation about the ownership of pets. Only then, when you know what the rules of custody are regarding pets, will you be able to make a decision.

Pets are really important in our lives and it’s natural you’d want to have your labradoodle full-time after you go your separate ways – particularly as your husband has no real bond with the creature and it sounds like he didn’t even want the pet in the first place.

I understand that you are feeling anxious about this and it won’t be easy for you to stand up firmly to the unfair threats of your husband, but you cannot work at a relationship with a man who would resort to treating his wife this way, simply to hurt her.

I know getting through this will be difficult but please believe in yourself. You are doing the right thing in ending this relationship with a man who would go to such cruel lengths to hurt you.

In many ways his attitude about the dog just reaffirms that you are doing the right thing by leaving.

Think of the peace you will feel when the divorce comes through. Stay strong. I will be thinking of you, Janice, and hope it all works out well.