Bulliedbymyin-laws,failed bymyhusband.shouldi breakoffcontactwiththem?

Dear Maggie

I’m a married mum of two beautiful girls. I love my husband but find it hard to like his family.

His mum is a controlling matriarch, and his two sisters are so judgmental. I’d be happy never to see them but we have a routine where we go to his parent’s place every week for Sunday lunch.

Last time I was there I ended up in tears. We started talking about climate change, something I feel very strongly about. We have recently changed our family car to electric and have upgraded our home with solar panels. I was telling them that we are also planning to stop holidaying abroad because we want to reduce our carbon footprint.

My mother-in-law and sisters ridiculed me in front of my girls. They said I was selfish for depriving my daughters of precious family memories. I tried to educate them on the fact our planet is on the brink of catastrophe and it was our kids who’d have to deal with it.

This has happened before when talking about politics, I say white and she says black.

I was so furious I ended up in crying in the bathroom. The worst thing is my husband never sticks up for me. We had a big row when we got home and I’ve told him I can’t go round for lunch any more. He said I’m partly to blame for talking about controversial subjects! Am I asking too much for him to take my side? Should I just go and suck it up? They make me so miserable.

Helen, Caithness Maggie says

You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family, so the saying goes. But while family can be irritating, an unconditional bond usually means you can at least challenge bad behaviour without worrying about the long-term consequences. Rude in-laws can be a little tricker to navigate.

I’m not surprised that their negativity is getting to you. It was very undiplomatic of your in-laws to ridicule the positive steps you are taking to be more conscious of the environment.

It is especially disrespectful to do so in front of your children. I’m sure it made them feel uncomfortable, too.

My advice then is try to carry on doing what you and your husband believe is the right way to bring up your daughters – teaching them to protect the planet, as is your right.

But perhaps you have to decide whether airing your opinions is worth the aggravation.

As much as you would love everyone to be clued-up on the latest issues, it sounds like your motherin-law is stuck in her ways. It would be helpful if your husband stood up for you but having grown-up with his mother, he has probably resigned himself to the fact that arguing with her is futile.

I’d wait for a quiet time and explain how you feel and I’d hope that he is able to understand that you are in a difficult situation.

Maybe he could have a word in his mother’s ear and explain her aggressive stance is uncomfortable for everyone.

Meanwhile, I suggest the next time you are round you keep the conversation to small talk, like how the girls are doing at school.

And, if the topic does turn heated, simply say you’ll have to agree to disagree and change the subject to a safer topic.

Try being positive and pleasant and hopefully they will tire of this behaviour.

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost. com