A friend is for life not just for Christmas – volunteers help combat loneliness

Are you all ready for Christmas? Have you braved the mobbed supermarket to buy the full works for a slap-up turkey dinner, even the dodgy sprouts which we can only bear to eat once a year?

Are you feeling a bit stressed about having to spend the day in close proximity with your nearest and dearest? It can be hard work. You know how some people can be after a couple of sherries on Christmas morning.

But imagine what it would be like to spend this special holiday on your own. A heartbreaking statistic highlights how common it is – 100,000 over-65s will be eating Christmas dinner alone tomorrow, feeling lonely and isolated.

The terrible problem of chronic loneliness becomes particularly visible at this time of year, but let’s not forget, it’s happening ALL year round. There will be at least one older person on the street where you live who’s suffering.

That’s why The Sunday Post’s campaign to eradicate loneliness is so important, because as we now know, it doesn’t just impact your mental health, it can be as damaging as smoking.

Health experts describe this silent killer as a hidden public health crisis.

So, I’d like to applaud the work of charities like Visiting Friends in Helensburgh which is doing invaluable work to try to combat this desperately sad issue. It began as a voluntary organisation in 2013 and became a registered charity in 2018 when it received new funding from local businessman Jim Clarke and his family.

It’s a simple idea – volunteer befrienders are matched with adults, usually over the age of 65, in the Helensburgh and Lomond area. They visit their friend once a week for a couple of hours, either at home or they go out for a cup of tea.

The manager of Visiting Friends is Jayne Burnett, who told me that these one-toone relationships are critical because lots of elderly people lose their confidence as they become more isolated. They then find it difficult to get out and join groups.

Some see carers four times a day but they have no real connections with individuals. And loneliness can affect everyone, Jayne points out – it cuts across all social economic divides.

Clients range from local people in their 40s to their late 90s and some really beautiful relationships have been formed. A lot of time is spent matching up the befriender and the client. It’s not just

about whether they both like knitting, its about their personalities.

“It’s a bit of alchemy, a bit of serendipity,” Jayne says. “And befriending is good for the volunteers too. They want to feel useful and be part of an organisation that values them.”

There can be a stigma about admitting that you’re lonely but it’s important to talk about it. Jayne believes it’s about giving people hope and something to look forward to. “Clients often think, ‘Why would anyone want to visit me?’ and feel embarrassed that their life has come to this, that they’ve had to reach out to a charity for a friendship. But it can often mean a new beginning. A hopeful new chapter in their lives.”

I have such admiration for one client Jayne told me about. Linda is a retired district nurse who came into the office one day and explained that she had no family and that her one friend who she used to wave out the window to every morning had died. She was on her own and lonely.

The charity put her in touch with a younger woman who she hit it off with. On her weekly visits her new friend showed her how to use an ipad. Lacking confidence before, Linda has now signed up for a computer course at the library.

Jayne tells me she has the best job in the world. “You hear some really sad stories about loneliness, but we are providing a small part of the solution,” she said. “We know the people who use the service really value it. The volunteers are the lifeblood of our charity and they are very special people.” I’d certainly agree with that.