It’s time to part with the parting
SIMON COWELL may be a multimillionaire, ultra-successful . . . whatever it is he is . . . but by God his hair is odd.
I’m not suggesting it’s dyed — nature is notoriously capricious with the male follicle. I had a friend who went grey in his 20s (yes I know, probably thanks to knowing me) while many men unaccountably maintain their natural colour well into old age, like Ronald Reagan.
No, it’s more that his middle parting is somewhat out of date. Actually, it wouldn’t have been that groovy even when it was in date.
I moved my parting — or “shed” as we called it, for reasons I still find obscure — from left to centre in the ’70s and it stayed there till the mid ’80s.That’s when I realised that as the shed by then lacked luxurious flowing locks on either side, and that no one other than Noel Edmonds was still wearing it that way, I had better move it back.
It was also around that time that I became a father for the first time and therefore also a role model, for good or ill, so I thought I’d better start at least looking like a grown-up. As this is the position in which Mr Cowell, 53,
Middle parting with short hair
now finds himself — albeit some 30 years later than I would have advised — I feel he might consider a similar move.
A middle parting with short hair on a man of our age says one of two things. 1: My mother looks after my grooming. 2: I refuse to recognise how old I am. Possibly both.
The trouble is, when some men find a style they like in anything from hair to underwear, they tend to stick with it, oblivious to changes in the world around them.
This can have more serious consequences than just making them look like someone called Humphrey.
For example, in the 1600s how many Cavaliers might have avoided having their necks trimmed if they’d realised the Roundhead look was the in thing and given their hair a trim instead?
Given that, is there any point trying to lay down hair rules? Can there be a definitive right and wrong?
Yes. Simon Cowell’s parting is definitely wrong.
Mind you, his taste in music isn’t much cop either and if he’d listened to me about that he’d never have got on telly.
Simon, why didn’t you listen?