Grief takes time to heal

Dear June

I’VE had many traumas in my life.

My dad passed when I was 13. My nephew, sister and brother died within three weeks of each other and my mam has also passed.

I suffered three miscarriages and was left bereft and heartbroken.

Why do I feel like I’m still grieving after all this time?

Eileen, Glasgow.

June Says

When you lose a loved one, you have to undergo a process of healing with many stages.

Everyone will suffer the effects of grief after a loss.

Grief is an emotional healing process just like the physical body has to undergo stages in healing.

If you fell and skinned your knee it would initially be exceptionally painful, then it would bruise, weep, scab over, become itchy and eventually heal, leaving the area tender for quite some time.

If you continually fell on the same wound, it would never have the chance to heal properly and would remain tender and sensitive to touch for a long time.

Grief and emotional hurt also heal in stages but, unlike the skinned knee, we can’t see each stage of the healing process.

Also, when we’re not fully recovered from emotional trauma and have to endure another, it does not allow the healing process to complete all of its stages.

You have suffered many losses over a short period of time that would not have allowed you to heal fully from each individual loss.

You will heal in time but are more tender than most because of the continual emotional trauma endured before each healing stage was completed.