Compromise the key to prevent kids bearing brunt of bitter break-up
SO Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are to divorce.
What’s happened to Hollywood’s golden couple?
Although they only married in 2014 the film stars, whose combined fortune was estimated at £308 million, had been together for 12 years.
They travelled the world making films, buying properties, working for charity and living a glitzy lifestyle.
One thing is certain, their decision will hit their children hard.
They have six children aged between eight and 15 – Shiloh and twins Knox and Vivienne, and adopted kids Maddox, Zahara and Pax who were born in Cambodia, Ethiopia and Vietnam respectively.
Both parents wanted a big family and insisted that in the divorce proceedings their children’s interests would come first.
I’m sure they will. Like most couples with huge differences, the one thing they have in common – love for their children and concern for their happiness – is paramount.
Whether you’re Brangelina or just Mr and Mrs Average, you desperately don’t want your kids to suffer from the fallout.
They help you to act with
civility and to compromise. And quite rightly so.
No matter how bitter the rows, children seldom want mum and dad’s togetherness to be breached.
Children like certainty. Separation and divorce are uncharted waters for any family but with a willingness to put the kids first, couples can manage to do it with dignity.
It means not being determined to have the last word. Not denigrating one partner to another. Remembering that your children need both of you and that their happiness matters more than point-scoring.
So if you have separated it’s worth making the arrangements for them to see their other parent without stress and tension.
Don’t make Christmas or birthdays a big issue – listen to what your son or daughter is telling you. Don’t force choices. Help them through it.
Some parents manage this brilliantly while others make it confrontational and difficult for everyone involved. They can’t see that they are using their own unhappiness to get at their partner, causing huge tension for their children.
The harsh truth about relationships is that sometimes love dies. When it does there are decisions to be made and none of them are easy – whether you’re Brangelina or not.
But if both parents can decide not to use their children as a pawn in the divorce game, they can build a better future for every member of the family – this includes grandparents on both sides who often lose out.
Be the bigger person. Hard though it is, put your hurt to one side and try to understand what’s needed. Compassion works wonders and your children will thank you for it.