Here come the ‘Demi Girls’!
Hand in hand, these strong 50-somethings have teamed up to confront toughest challenge
We all come up against the same brick walls and we help each other get over them
– MEGAN BLACK
Before, we all felt so lonely. We’ve taken strength from each other. We’re passionate
– CAROL-ANN JAMIESON
CHATTING and smiling away, these women look like lifelong pals enjoying a catch-up.
It’s a familiar scene, but these close friends have actually only known each other since the turn of the year.
They’re all busy 50-somethings from Lanarkshire with plenty in common, but it’s one issue in particular that has brought them together – each of their husbands has early-onset dementia.
Meg an Black, Carol-Ann Jamieson, Ray Fallan and Grace Rarity are four of the six- strong support group who call themselves the Demi Girls.
While bad news introduced them, these feisty and determined ladies are determined to use their collective strength and experience to help not only each other through the challenging days ahead, but also to support other couples facing up to similar situations.
“We’re each other’s comfort blanket,” said Grace, from Coatbridge.
“If I’m having a bad day I can message them – we’ve set up a private group online – and we share the good and the bad. “It’s been my lifeline.” Grace’s husband, Ian, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s two years ago, when he was 55.
She continued: “When you have a bad day you get sympathy from family and friends, but those in the group actually understand those bad days and that really helps.”
Carol- Ann and husband Jim, who was diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia last August, were keen to meet other people of a similar age who were living with dementia.
“Before we met the others we felt so lonely, like we were the only ones going through this,” admitted Carol-Ann, from Bellshill.
“But once we started speaking with everyone else, we realised our situation wasn’t unique.”
The group, which also includes Carol and Ian Smith from Uddingston and Sheila and Bill Donaldson from Motherwell, was formed after the local Alzheimer Scotland dementia adviser, Lorna Hart-Thomson, introduced Megan to Carol.
Carol’s husband, Ian, has Alzheimer’s, having been diagnosed four years ago at the age of 60.
“Lorna’s our Cilla Black, matching us up,” smiled Megan, from Glenboig.
Her husband Stewart, 58, has been living with early-onset vascular dementia for seven years.
“Stewart and I wanted to meet people of the same age, so we were introduced to Carol and Ian, and then Carol-Ann and Jim.
“It’s only six months since we formed the group, but what a difference it has made to us in that time.
“We all come up against the same brick walls on this journey and we help each other over them.”
One of those brick walls is the fact their husbands are under 65, which means they are not eligible for care support.
That means the majority of the women have to juggle work while also supporting their husbands, not to mention dealing with the usual family responsibilities and stresses.
With so much on the go it’s not easy for the entire group to meet up in person regularly, but one social activity many of them make it along to is the popular monthly dining club hosted by D rump elli er Golf Club in Coatbridge, organised in association with Alzheimer Scotland.
Carol- Ann said: “We have six people in the group already but there are probably lots more out there just from this area that could benefit from it. I come from a medical background and thought I knew all about dementia, but I soon realised I didn’t.
“We’re all strong and passionate about what we are trying to do and we’ve taken more strength from each other.
“It’s not just about helping one another – we want to help others, too.”
Ray’s husband James has frontotemporal lobe dementia and corticobasal degeneration (CBD), a rare, progress iv en euro degenerative disease.
His symptoms began six years ago, when he was 50, but he was