It’s edgier, being an old square

WHAT’S that you say? I’m just an old square? Well fie and tush and call me Horace – you’re probably right.

Although in the interests of balance I should point out your use of the term “old square” suggests you might have four 90-degree angles yourself.

I’m pretty sure old squares haven’t been called that for 40 years or more and are these days no doubt described using words that have no place in a family newspaper. Well, isn’t everything?

Be that as it may – who cares? I’m happy to poke my head out of the closet and stick my tongue out at anyone who sniggers at my natty Homburg hat.

For too many years I’ve made attempts to appear interested in the music, fashion and attitudes of a child of the ’60s, purely for the sake of small talk. But now that I face becoming a man in his 60s I think enough is ditto.

To be honest, most people probably realised long ago it was all a ruse which is why, not only do they no longer bother trying to engage me in small talk, but I no longer get CDs from the hit parade for Christmas. And that’s a huge relief.

Pop is juvenile tosh, like nursery rhymes with dirty bits

You see, apart from the internet I believe that the worst thing ever to happen to civilisation was the invention of the teenager and rock’n’roll’n’pop’n’that.

Pop is juvenile tosh – all of it. You might disagree, but you’re wrong. Listen to it. It’s on the same level of sophistication as nursery rhymes. With dirty bits.

Just like an adolescent, in fact. But an adolescent who has taken over the world and convinced everybody in it that Peter Pan was right and you should never grow up. So like a cheap wine, they get old but they never mature.

I recently witnessed a woman of 50 dancing to some drivel while screaming: “18 forever!”. Who in their right mind would want to be 18 forever? When you’re 18 you know nothing and you’ve done nothing.

Yet otherwise intelligent people who are getting on in years – Jon Snow, what were you thinking? – will go to Glastonbury and party like it’s 1969.

So I suppose it’s no surprise that we now have an adolescent in the White House.

If only Elvis had closed the door as he left the building.