We have our first home but the neighbours aren’t friendly. What can I do to start a chat?
wrong, it can be very tricky. Please stop blaming yourself. You’ve done all you can to offer friendship but it hasn’t been reciprocated.
Just carry on being polite when you meet and hopefully in time they will realise you’re not a threat. You’re not expecting anything from them. Chat, smile, exchange a few comments about the weather and leave it at that.
Slowly over time they will understand that you are pleasant neighbours and they may thaw out a bit. Sometimes it takes something happening like a parcel delivered to the wrong address or a neighbour forgetting a key to bring people together in a sharing sort of way.
Be open, friendly, smile and exchange chit chat – but don’t push it too far.
When people are out working all day they don’t always want to be too chatty with neighbours – but when children come along, that’s when many housebound mums become close friends. They share coffee mornings, or take turns at ferrying each other’s children to playgroup or nursery. If a child is poorly, another mum will pick up a prescription from the chemist.
Right now don’t worry about not forming a close bond with your neighbours. Enjoy your new home. Make the most of it and relax into slowly building a relationship with the people around you.
I hope it works out the way you want and that in time you find that your neighbours are becoming your friends. Dear Maggie My fiancé and I saved up for three years for the deposit on our first home together. We married early this year and bought our dream house on a lovely estate. We were thrilled to bits the day we moved in and couldn’t believe we’d actually achieved it. Unfortunately, although we have lived here for nearly nine months, we haven’t been as happy as we thought we would be. The neighbours aren’t friendly at all. I invited a few of them round one evening for supper and only three couples bothered to come. They admired the house and the way we’d decorated it but they have never invited us back. People say “good morning” if we are in the driveway or “hello” if we are working in the garden – but I just can’t get them chatting or showing any sign of wanting to get to know us. It’s very disappointing. Is there anything I can do to get a relationship going with our neighbours?
Maggie says
I can understand your disappointment. Owning your own home, especially one you have both worked so hard to find, to buy and to decorate means you have a lot invested in the project.
Unfortunately, you can’t choose your neighbours. Some people are friendlier than others. Some don’t want to get too close to their neighbours because if the relationship goes The only problem is that from the day she stopped work she hasn’t done any of that. I worry that she’s depressed and is regretting leaving her job. Dear Maggie I’m very worried about my mum. She had her 65th birthday this year and we had a lovely party to celebrate. She then announced that she had decided to retire from her job in the civil service. I was really surprised at that because she loves her work. But she was adamant that she wanted to retire and said she had plans to go travelling and was going to join classes in learning to speak French at our local high school.
Maggie says
Right now you need to let her take her time to do what she wants to do when she feels ready to do so.
After a long working life, men and women just want to chill out for a bit. I suggest you have a chat with your mum and listen to how she really feels.