I see eggs are going up again That’ll surprise a few chickens
There’s nothing like a gag – here’s some classic jokes from pantoland I’m so tired. I can’t go any further. I’m absolutely knickered.
Do you mean knackered?
No, knickered. My breath’s coming in short pants
My husband fell into a huge vat of granulated coffee and was never seen again. It was a terrible way to go but at least it was instant
Every time I’m down in the dumps, I buy myself a new hat.
I wondered where you got them from Eggs are going up again.
That’ll surprise a few chickens
I miss my husband. I used to rub grease all over his back to make him feel better.
What happened?
He went downhill fast Would you like a dance?
Yes. I did ballet as a child. But she was so fat, she had to wear a three-three I’ve been married 16 times.
Sixteen?
Yes, four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse Have you put on weight?
Well, I have had a lot on my plate
I’ve been to the optician’s. He’s just told me I’m colour blind. Colour blind?
Yes, it came as a real bolt out of the orange What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos? Some day my prints will come
I went out last night and had 14 pints of low-fat yoghurt. I got totally Mullered
You want to be careful of the baddie. He’s a magician. He can turn you into a prawn cocktail. And that’s just for starters